Bookworm and the Azkaban Escapee
by Charitable Millionaire
Summary: Hermione stays the summer at Grimmauld Place and develops an unlikely connection to Sirius Black. Together they solve a mystery, prank London, bother each other and try to defeat the Dark Lord. Post OotP/Year 6. Warning: this story has lots of humour but it actually has lots of heart and siriusness too! Also contains Sirius and Hermione clubbing!
1. Chapter 1

**Bookworm and the Azkaban Escapee**

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Summer at Grimmauld Place**

After the attack at the Department of Mysteries, from which they had been lucky to get out alive, it was decided that is was no longer safe for Harry to return to the Dursleys for the summer or for Hermione to return to her muggle parents. So Harry, Hermione-and Ron, intermittently- came to stay with Sirius at Grimmauld Place. The impenetrable wards and frequent visits of the Order of the Phoenix made the ancestral home of the Blacks the ideal safe location for the Golden Trio.

Of course, Harry could not have been happier to spend his summer with Sirius for a change. Harry often swore that he could be the happiest-boy-who-lived if he never saw the Dursleys again. Hermione felt pleased as well that she could spend the whole summer with her best friends, for she had always felt a bit cut off whenever she returned to the sedate, muggle world of her dentist parents. Ron didn't really need to stay but flooed back and forth between the Burrow and Grimmauld Place. Hermione joked that Ron was just a big momma's boy and couldn't stand to be away too long from Molly. Sirius knew better however and suspected the now chubby redhead was capitalizing on having two homes to eat double the meals.

"I'm just a hungry, growing boy," Ron would whine whenever he asked for a bigger serving.

"More like a bottomless pit!" Hermione would retort.

Since her arrival and the deliverance of her SPEW speech, Hermione had taken over the duty of preparing their meals. No one could really complain given that Kreacher had a way of making everyone's skin crawl... And well, you just couldn't trust the food of a house-elf that spent half his time cursing and insulting them under his breath. Sirius hated Kreacher and the house even more because they reminded him of his dreadful family. But lately he found his current situation somewhat tolerable in light of Harry, Hermione and Ron also having limits on their freedom. Harry always had an Order of the Phoenix member tailing him wherever he went. And when he was not in school, Harry was expected to stay in a limited number of safe locations, as he was so constantly reminded by Dumbledore and Molly Weasley.

"So how does it feel Harry, now that Dumbledore doesn't want you to go anywhere?" Sirius sniggered whenever he wanted to provoke his godson's temper.

After spending two weeks so far housebound with three teenagers, Sirius no longer felt remotely obliged to be a parental figure anymore.

"Rub it in his face, why don't you," Hermione grumbled.

"Pardon, Hermione? I didn't catch that."

"Can you shut up Sirius?!" Harry shouted, "I know you like the company but at least I can still be seen in public, which is a lot more than can be said for you!"

"I can too be seen in public!" Sirius cried indignantly.

"Going around as a mangy dog does not count," Ron said.

"I didn't ask for your opinion, Weasley!" Sirius frowned.

"It's not an opinion," Hermione said quietly, "It's a fact, you're still a fugitive Sirius. And please don't call Ron 'Weasley', it makes you sound like a Malfoy."

Sirius' eyes were held by Hermione's for a moment before she looked away disapprovingly. Damn her and her facts.

Sirius got up from his chair to leave. "I can see there's a conspiracy against me. You three have formed an alliance and clearly I am not included in it."

"What are you talking about!" Ron yelled, "Hermione ALWAYS takes your side. It's always you, Harry and Hermione against ME."

"You have got to be kidding me!" Harry protested, because in his mind, he was the lone-wolf. Not only because he began life as an orphan among muggles who hated him but because everyone in the magical world was trying to kill him, "Everyone's always trying to get at _me!_ "

Ron, Hermione and Sirius rolled their eyes in unison as Harry began his "I'm Harry Potter, my life is hard, it's me versus the world" rant.

Hermione gave Ron a "Look what you started" glare as Harry began to blabber about his tough childhood and then even tougher persecution by Voldemort and everyone else who tried to kill him on a bi-yearly basis.

Even Sirius, who was no stranger to self-pity and pity parties, groaned loudly. He'd only spent thirteen years in prison for crying out loud, wrongfully convicted, but apparently Harry thought his life was even harder than Sirius'.

 ** _Two minutes of ranting later..._**

"...So you see, it's both you and Ron who side against me! As well as Sirius and the Order, and Dumbledore and Snape and the Ministry and everyone on the Dark side that gangs up against me! I'm Harry Potter for Merlin's sake! Everyone is either trying to kill or control me!...If Dumbledore had his way, he'd put me in a box for safe keeping!" Harry concluded melodramatically.

Sirius got up and clapped his hands,

"That's right, Harry, let it all out! Don't hold anything back! It's not good to keep anger bottled up," Sirius bristled.

Following his example, Ron and Hermione got up from their chairs and also started clapping. Sirius whistled for added effect.

"Well spoken Harry!"

"Yeah, get it off your shoulders, mate!"

Harry surveyed the three people that were supposed to be closest to him and his greatest allies. They were utterly exasperating.

"Oh, put a sock in it!" Harry said gruffly, trying to hide the fact that he felt like laughing too.

In truth, being housebound by curfews and other safety measures did not sit well with any of them.

The occasional arguments they had with each other served like exhaust vents for their frustrations. Harry was frustrated that Dumbledore, the namesake of his army, was not allowing Harry to continue training students for Dumbledore's Army or take a more proactive role in defeating Voldemort. Hermione was frustrated that she no longer had any classes to study for, so was restless with what to do with her ponderous brainpower. Ron was frustrated that he was still seen as the dorky sidekick of Harry Potter and the only benefit of his role was that he now was on Voldemort's shitlist.

And Sirius? He had much to be frustrated about generally, (what with Azkaban, keeping company with dementors for thirteen years, almost having his soul sucked out, seeing everyone he loved die or disown him, and then become a much-hunted fugitive who's face was plastered everywhere) but lately he was just frustrated that being housebound prevented him getting out there and doing what he did best. Being Sirius with the ladies. And going on pub crawls. Oh how long ago his glory days now seemed...

.

.

.

 **Author's note: This is actually the first! fanfiction I ever wrote -ever, even though I didn't publish until now (it's been the vault for a long while)-so its a bit immature and fluffy but I will be updating it daily for the next week and so on... Because I'm kinda stuck with my other novel which is more dramatic and heavier. Anyways this is a rom-com Sirius, with some mystery plot thrown in ;) and lemons**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Glad people liked it so far!**

* * *

 **Chapter 2:** **Society for the Protection and Expungement of the Wrongfully-Imprisoned (** **S.P.E.W.I** **)**

It was now July.

Not only was the weather blazing hot but each day seemed to pass by as slow as molasses. Though the summer was nowhere near over, with two months of vacation left, the inhabitants of Grimmauld Place had hit a midsummer slump. The excitement of being out of school had worn thin. Ron no longer woke up every day to the chant of "School's out for summer, school's out forever!" and then raced out at the crack of dawn in his pants to play Quidditch.

Even Harry felt a bit bored, especially that there were no news of Voldemort. Although Harry utterly hated Voldemort, unconsciously some part of him knew that without his nemesis, there would be no action. Hermione, who never appreciated being out of school, was also getting restless because they all had too much time on their hands and she hated idleness.

Although Harry swore that he'd find a way to assemble his army this summer, even if it meant going behind Dumbledore's back, everyone had high doubts of this. Harry and Ron were now obsessively absorbed in following Quidditch matches and had begun collecting trading cards. There was nothing in either of their behaviour to suggest they were secretly spending each day training an army. After slipping out of the house to god-knows-where, Ron and Harry would dutifully come back for lunch, but neither ever looked tired as if they had just been in battle training. After they spent a little time with Hermione, they would slip out again. Sometimes Hermione accompanied them if they were going somewhere she approved of, such as the bookstore or Dumbledore's office, but most of the time she stayed behind and read.

Sirius was truly surprised to learn how little time the boys spent with Hermione. Since she didn't seem to mind, Sirius figured that it may have always been this way with them. With her studying and them goofing off until they all pulled together when there was some mystery to solve and the boys were incapable of anything without Hermione. Then they hung onto her every word and she became the most important part of the trio. The rest of the time, however, it was like Hermione sat on the sidelines.

Not out of choice, Sirius also was forced to stay behind in the house simply because there are only so many places he could go without being caught by the Ministry and sent back to Azkaban.

Whenever he could, he accompanied the boys when they went to the Burrow, muggle London, or some obscure anonymous place where his dog or human form could go unnoticed. But he hated the rest of the time he had to stay behind and miss out.

At first, though they are often the only two in the house, Hermione and Sirius didn't spend much time together. They each left each other to their own devices and only met up for meals where they chatted politely but briefly. They were acquaintances rather than friends.

Gradually that changed.

Bit by bit, Sirius spent more of his days with Hermione. When they ate breakfast in the morning it was just them because Sirius and Hermione were the only ones to ever wake up before 9am. When he is a dog in his animagus form, she is the only one not too lazy to take "Snuffles" for walks. When Harry and Ron go off to play Quidditch on Sundays, Hermione and him are left behind for the whole day. She because she cares nothing for any type of sport, especially one involving altitude, speed and a broomstick. Sirius is left behind simply because he is still housebound in this makeshift prison. And though he loves quidditch, practically lived to play during his Hogwarts years, somehow he doesn't mind one bit when they are left behind in Grimmauld place.

He has grown accustomed to spending Sundays with the muggleborn bookworm.

Moments after Ron and Harry left with bags of quidditch gear and matching huge grins as they waved goodbye, Hermione and Sirius sat together in the backyard. Remarkably, Sirius felt happy to just be sitting with her, as his thoughts drifted to them taking a walk and how carefree Hermione was when larking about with his dog self...but his trail of thoughts were interrupted by Hermione's sudden outburst.

"What a pair of dunderheads! I can't believe they can be so selfish!"

"Sorry, what are we talking about?"

"Harry and Ron, of course! How can they leave you here, knowing how much you love quidditch?!"

Sirius thought for a moment, "Hey I don't love quidditch that much, in fact, I have plenty of other interests to keep me occupied..."

He was going to suggest they take a trip to the Scottish highlands but she was no longer paying attention. When Hermione got riled up over a perceived injustice, she paid no heed even to the protestations of the supposed victims.

"Yes, but would it kill them to try to relocate their game to somewhere you can participate too? As if playing with the Chudley Cannons was really so important!" Hermione exclaimed, tugging at a piece of grass and frowning her brow.

Sirius was tempted to smile. Although a month ago, he would've agreed with her and joined in complaining about not being able to play quidditch or go out in his human form...right now he just felt amused by her obvious concern for him.

"Now you've got to be kidding me, quidditch isn't quidditch without a proper field and the Chudley Cannons takes it to a whole other level. I could not take that away from them. I had my time for quidditch, let them have theirs."

If possible, her face grew even more concerned.

"I wish you wouldn't say that Sirius! You act like your life is already over, done and lived with, but it's not! You're still here and you should continue to at least have the most basic of considerations. Especially after all you've been through...I can't comprehend how inconsiderate Ron and Harry can be..." she continued to rant.

Sirius didn't want her getting worked up over him and over a slight issue that really did not bother him...even though it was touching how much fire she had in her, the warm compassion she held for the plight of others. Especially victims of what she perceived as social injustices.

He tried his best to put on a stupid smirk, "It's alright Hermione. I don't really mind and my life is not as tragic as it seems-"

"No it's not! Stop pretending like it's alright. You're alive Sirius! You have as much right to happiness as anyone else."

He had hoped to calm her down but Hermione only became more passionately angry instead.

"Aren't you tired of being treated like a second-class citizen?! Honestly, just because you're a fugitive and they haven't been able to prove your innocence yet, doesn't give them the right to let you rot here forever while you wait on the ministry and Dumb-bledore to expunge your record! I mean Merlin's sake, you've waited long enough, its about bloody time you could live a life already!"

Sirius was surprised that she swore but otherwise just listened, quietly amazed. His indifference to his own well-being made Hermione only more determined to defend him and seek justice for him. As if he, Sirius Black, were a cause in itself, a charitable organization like SPEW. Or rather "Society for the Protection and Expungement of the Wrongfully-imprisoned". He could imagine Hermione putting up posters demanding justice for Sirius Black and chuckled at the thought, secretly pleased, because with so much passion she made a formidable ally and fierce enemy to anyone unfortunate enough to cross her line of fire.

The Sirius Black Society, members: one Hermione Granger. Aims of the Sirius Black Society: promotion of equal rights and restoration of justice for Sirius Black, and other such innocent escapee prisoners. Issue of the day: equal quidditch playing time and pursuit of happiness.

How can he tell her he doesn't give a flying fuck about quidditch or being forgotten by the boys because for some odd reason he'd rather spend time with her just now?

He can't. He doesn't even realize it himself, and he could not explain it even if he did.

The introduction of Hermione into his life has happened so gradually that he doesn't even notice the calming effect she has on him or how it feels like almost nothing is wrong when she's around.

Until she leaves for a week.

.

.

.

 **A/N: Hee hee I totally could see Hermione getting on Dumbledore's case about clearing up** **Sirius' name with the Ministry! Dont worry Hermione will make sure there's hell to pay, if Dumbledore/the ministry take any longer to expunge his record!**

 **Next chapter posted tomorrow at around the same time. Thanks to everyone who follow/fav/reviewed, it means a lot!**

 ****Please review if you want to be an honorary member of S.P.E.W.I!*****


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:** **The Weasley Wedding**

It was the middle of July and they were all sitting at the table eating lunch when an owl arrived with three letters. The letters, written on fancy white scrolls, were addressed from Molly Weasley and demanded that the trio come at once to the Burrow to help with Percy's wedding, for the rehearsals and fittings and then the big event itself. Sirius, not a particular favourite of Molly Weasley, was not invited...not that he could come even if he were. There would be too many extra-familiar people coming for the wedding, and to their minds, Sirius Black was still a dangerous mass murderer on the run from the law. There was no way he could attend a wedding. Not even as a dog, though try telling that to a worked up Hermione in full Sirius Black Society mode. It was like S.P.E.W. all over again or S.P.E.W 2.0. She had barely read her letter and then read Harry's and Ron's before a frown formed on her face as her quick mind perceived a grave injustice.

"I have to say Ron, I am greatly disappointed Molly should fail to invite a fellow Order member to her son's wedding. Everyone else in the Order has been invited except Sirius. He could easily have come as a dog, instead of being so rudely excluded, without so much as a mention. I'm surprised her lack of tact has not cost her more guests!"

Ron turned a bit red in the cheeks; he did not look like he appreciated criticism of his mother.

"Are you honestly saying Hermione that my mum should've invited a dog to my brother's wedding?"

"He's not a dog!" Hermione shot an apologetically look at Sirius. He looked back at her with a half-hearted smile.

"No but how exactly is she going to write an invitation list with a dog on it, I think that would raise a few eyebrows!"

Hermione huffed in exasperation."For Merlin's sake, Ron! Of course, she wouldn't write him on the invitation list. But she could've just wrote Sirius a letter, which she didn't, telling him he could come as someone's pet."

"Who brings a mangy dog to a wedding?!"

Hermione looked like she was about to explode, so Sirius intervened before the situation got any worse. Incidentally, he didn't blame Hermione for being short tempered with Ron; the Weasley boy had no tact at all, much less than his mother. Mangy dog? He had never been so insulted, and right to his face, though Ron acted like Sirius wasn't even there as he said it. The boy hadn't a trace of good manners. Still he didn't want Hermione getting in fights with anyone over him, especially not with the fiery Weasley matriarch during a wedding. Things would be high-strung enough as it is.

"Don't make me laugh, it's not as if this mangy dog actually wants to go to the wedding..." Sirius said.

He stole a glance at Hermione. She didn't look convinced, she saw through his attempt to pacify her. He needed to say something more to convince her, something that would transfer her anger from the Weasleys onto him.

"...Matrimony has never been my cup of tea, if you catch my drift. I'd rather take the old dog to hit up a few bars while you kiddies go off to the wedding ceremony for the end of Percy's freedom." As a finishing touch, he added a wink. Harry and Ron grinned at Sirius, as if saying, _You go get em', old man._

Bingo. Hermione looked furious but she tried to contain it.

" _Sirius_ ," Hermione said through gritted teeth as if she were speaking to a misbehaving toddler, "You can't just go to a bar, you'll risk being caught by the ministry and put behind some real _bars_!"

"Who said I'd stay in this country? I can easily slip across the channel and go to a pub in France, it's where all the attractive women are anyways."

Harry and Ron laughed.

Hermione's face reddened. She dropped the issue completely.

For the next few days, if Hermione had any anger left about the wedding, she directed it to Sirius rather than to Ron or Molly Weasley.

Sirius hadn't meant to make her so angry at him, he just wanted to diffuse the situation. He didn't really think "weddings are a bunch of bollocks", though that had become his catchphrase over the last few days. It had made Harry and Ron snigger, but not Hermione.

She puffed out her chest and her mouth became a firmly set line whenever Sirius made jokes of how Percy had consigned himself to a life of servitude to 'the hussy that him by the balls'.

Sirius merely wanted Hermione to not feel sorry for him and his exclusion from the wedding. He did not want to get her so angry at him yet Hermione's parting greeting to him before they left was an accusing: "I hope you enjoy yourself Sirius".

Somehow he knew he wouldn't.

And it isn't just because she was angry at him.

Because she would be gone.

.

.

.

.

 **A/N: Naughty Sirius but he's only trying to make Hermione not feel sorry for him!**

 **This chapter was short so I'll be posting two longer chapters tommorow ;) Thanks for** **reading!**

 **By the way in case anyone is not familiar, the english "channel" is the little strip of the atlantic ocean that seperates england from france! Its easily crossed since all of europe is pretty small compared to other continents. Also dont hate sirius too much for that silly joke about french women, he's doesnt mean it tho its a common joke :(**

 **xoxoxo**

 **:)**


	4. Chapter 4

**_Author's note: Very sorry that I'm posting this past midnight. Someone was hogging my time & comp and it is impossible for me to type on tablet etc...so i just had to wait. I will post two chaps tommorow since it is late now ;)_**

 **Chapter 4: Drunk as a Skunk**

Grimmauld place stood in dissarray. The Golden Trio had been gone exactly two days when the shit hit the fan, sort of speak, for Sirius. Suddenly sitting quietly in the house was impossible for him to do any longer. His blood was pulsing and he was restless. He tried to sit down and read but his eyes could not focus and even his legs began to twitch. There were only a few things that could calm him right now and alcohol was one of those things. In a matter of hours, and before the morning was truly over, Sirius had cleared the entire liquor cabinet. And still he did not feel calmed.

There was something definitely off.

Luckily, he didn't have to be sober with everyone gone, including the Order. Most of the Order members had been invited to the wedding, all except him. The house was completely empty except for Kreacher, who like a ghastly demon from his past espoused all the Black family values Sirius despised. As he lay in a drunken stupor on the floor, Sirius could have sworn he heard the hideous elf argue with himself over whether he should suffocate the drunken Master Black because he was such a disgrace and it was what the Mistress would have wanted. Sirius kept his room locked after that. He would have felt safer having Kreacher dead with his head mounted on a plaque, but thought better of it when he imagined just how angry Hermione would be if she found out. She might never forgive him.

In the morning, he woke with a splitting headache and lying in a puddle of his own vomit.

Always one for perfect timing, this is just when Remus decided to pay him a visit. Arriving through the floo network, the friendly werewolf looked well-groomed and highly respectable in his well-ironed slacks and tweed sweater, basically the opposite of how Sirius looked.

Though dammit, Sirius thinks, he's not even a professor anymore so why should he look so smug?

"I look smug because you, Sirius, look a rightful mess."

"Not fair, Mooney, how'd you read my thoughts?"

"Because you said that aloud."

"Well, good, because it'd be pretty low to use occlumency on an inebriated wizard. That's like mind rape."

Remus cleared his throat. "Do you even know what mind rape is, Padfoot?"

"Some muggle crime or other where you take advantage of a drunk person...Of course I know what it is!" clearly not knowing what it is.

Sirius was still slurring his words and looked unable to stand on his own two feet. Remus decided to wait no longer in getting a pepper-up potion for his friend.

A few moments later, after a bit of a struggle to get Sirius to shut up long enough to swallow the potion (which Remus had to assure him was not cabbage flavoured), the two friends sat back in the living room. Sirius stretched out on a faded green couch while Remus sat back in an armchair charmed to make the occupient feel as if they were sitting on the most comfortable chair ever.

Remus sighed in comfort, "I could spend all day in this chair."

"You should, the chair is charmed to be so comfy that you never want to get up from it. It's a trick to get people to stay longer than they intend to."

Sirius smirked to himself as he thought of all the times he got Hermione to spend hours in conversation with him as she sat in that same chair.

"Please Sirius, I'd rather not hear about your tricks, especially at your age. You put an old friend to shame."

"Bloody werewolves, you really are an uptight and responsible bunch."

Remus smiled. "You learn to be when you have to worry about accidentally killing or maiming someone once a month. Really teaches you to keep up those wolfsbane potions. No excuses or slip ups."

"You're no fun at all Remus, most of the fun in life in is the slip-ups. You should let loose once in awhile, forget about your medication!"

Remus raised his eyebrow and fixed his friend with a stern look, "If you're idea of letting loose is spilling the contents of one's stomach on the floor and then sleeping in it, I'd rather not. Thanks for the offer though."

"I'd rather you forget you saw me like that, Remus."

"I would. I'd obliviate myself if I could but given the number of times I've seen you like that, I'd have to go through alot, if not almost all of my memories of you."

"Oh shut up Remus, I haven't always been a drunk! I'll have you know, I was perfectly sober for thirteen years in Askaban. You can ask the dementors if you don't believe me." He laughed to himself, but Remus did not find his dark joke funny. Remus' face was suddenly full of pity and Sirius found that more annoying than anything,

"I'm sorry that-" Remus began.

"Bugger off with your apologies, they're a whole lot of use to me now," he swore half-heartedly under his breath while trying to hold back his temper. It was a bit too late for apologies when Mooney had let him rot in prison for thirteen years without so much as a visit. But he pushed these dark thoughts away.

He looked back at Remus who sat with his eyes lulled by the perfect comfort of the chair. "Why are you even here?"

"Besides a visit to an old friend?" Remus replied lazily with eyes half-closed,

"Well, to be honest, I just came back from Percy's wedding rehearsal and wanted to get away from Molly, the place is a madhouse."

Sirius was pleased at this bit of news. His face broke into a genuine smile.

"Really now? And what has dear Molly done so far to piss her guests off?"

"You mean besides everything? Give me a second to think now. Oh, yes, in addition to being hostess of the wedding, she now also thinks she controls everyone's lives and can play god with the seating arrangements."

"But, Remus, she is god at that wedding, didn't you know?"

"Yes, well, god or not, she can bugger off with her attempts at meddling with other people's lives and playing matchmaker."

Sirius whistled. "So Molly has been trying to set you up has she? Oh that is just too precious. I almost wish now I had been invited."

"Believe me, you do not want to be there. Between the bride and the mother of the groom fighting over every detail, it's like watching Hitler and Mussolini replaying over who gets Russia."

"So what? The place is probably crawling with women...So who did Molly try to set you up with?"

Remus groaned loudly, though it didn't really sound like he was in distress what with the chair working its magic on him.

"Tonks. If you would believe it."

"Nymphadora? That's just classic!" Sirius barked with laughter, "What was Molly thinking setting you up with HER?"

"Don't ask me! She's practically half my age, but Molly insisted we sit together at every possibly moment. She has no subtlety either, so it made for a painfully embarrassing evening or two."

Sirius laughed.

Remus continued "Not to mention, sitting beside Nymphadora Tonks is like sitting next to a land mine. There are always accidents. I can't tell you the number of times I had beverages spilled down my pants"

"Maybe she did it on purpose?"

Remus reddened. "Don't be stupid Sirius, you know how clumsy Tonks is. She doesn't have to try."

"Hmmm...True. Still can't say I'm not surprised, I always figured Tonks didn't swing that way."

"Swing that way? What are talking about Sirius?" Remus opened his eyes from relaxing in the chair and looked angrily across the room at his friend.

"Calm down Remus, I only meant that I always figured she might not be interested in men, what with her crazy hair and boots..."

"She's a metamorphagus Sirius, of course she's going to have crazy doesn't make her a lesbian!"

"Yeah, I don't know, mate, it's all a bit iffy with the combat boots and boyish personality."

"You're completely daft. Not being as vain as you doesn't make her gay."

"What are you interested in her now? Because I have to say, as her cousin and last remaining male head of the Black family, that I do not approve of the match."

"You're so full of it, Padfoot. You're only a Black when it serves you. Lest I remind you that you were covered in your own vomit when I arrived here."

"I should have obliviated you."

"You couldn't even if you tried."

They held each other's gaze for a moment in playful camaraderie.

"What would it matter to you anyways? Not that I am interested in Tonks in the slightest, with all due respect to the ancient and noble house of Black." He added sarcastically. "But why would you dissapprove of it so strongly?"

"One very good reason."

"What is that?"

"Can you imagine how smug Molly Weasley would look if she found out? You'd never live it down mate. She's probably want to be included in all your wedding anniversaries!"

He laughed at Remus' horrified expression.

.

.

.

 **A/N: Why is Remus so resistant to the idea of him and Tonks? Methinks** **the werewolf doth protest too much ;) But Sirius may have a similar** **situation coming and then Remus will be the one laughing. Also I picture Sirius here a bit like a dog in that he'll go crazy when his loved ones leave him locked up in the house.**

 **Reviews appreciated, they dont have to be long, a smiley face :) would be nice to know people are reading...or unhappy face :( if they hate it**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Table Talk**

When they return to Grimmauld place, the trio are surprised to find the house clean, with Sirius himself looking well groomed if a little dark under the eyes. Sirius had dutifully cleaned the house out of shame the previous night. He didn't want any trace left of his activities while they were gone. Though the alcohol had not yet completely left his system.

"No house parties then while we were gone, eh Sirius?" Harry joked.

"Not a chance." He gave Harry a bear hug.

"Or maybe he did rough up the place and that's why he had to clean it afterwards," Ron said.

Hermione's eyes flashed angrily at him. "Boys, please. If Sirius wants to kiss-and-tell what he did over the weekend, I'm sure he will but right now we only have ten minutes or so before the Order arrives. I don't think they'd be impressed to stumble into _that_ sort of conversation."

"Then you have nothing to worry about Hermione, for I have nothing to tell," Sirius said gallantly, using his Lord Black voice.

Hermione met his eyes skeptically. She wasn't sure anymore if his anti-marriage playboy act had simply been a ruse to get her to forget his exclusion from the wedding and not feel sorry for him. The thought that it was act had occurred to her many times during the wedding.

Ron loudly interjected, "Wait there's an Order meeting happening? Why was I not informed of this?"

"Because you're not an Order member Ron," Hermione explained with the patience of a mother for a retarded child.

"Then how is it that you know, Hermione?"

"Maybe because I spent a little time with the adults, Ronald, while you spent the whole wedding making fart jokes and pranks with your cousin Elfred."

"Elfred is an adult. He's nineteen!"

"...with the mental maturity of a 12 year old!" Hermione finished.

Harry intervened before Hermione and Ron erupted into another tit-for-tat argument.

Harry grabbed Hermione by the shoulders. "Hermione quit acting like a forty-year-old, Elfred may have the mental maturity of a 12 year old but his and Ron's pranks are the only thing that made the wedding bearable for me."

"What they _did_ is royally piss off Shacklebot, who, I may remind you, is practically the leader of the Order after Dumbledore!" Hermione shouted.

Sirius ears perked in interest. "Wait, you got Shacklebot? Now this I've got to hear."

"Even better, Sirius, the whole thing is on the wedding film," Ron said proudly, "A classic. It never gets old."

Sirius grinned but was a little saddened as Hermione stormed out of the room. He hadn't seen her for what felt like ages, and he wanted to follow her though the wedding film also interested him. But he couldn't. What possible excuse could he make for throwing off the boys or the Order to go straight to Hermione, the friend of his godson? No one would understand. He didn't understand it himself.

They had just finished watching the filmed prank and Harry was wiping the tears from his eyes when a very irritated looking Kingsley Shacklebot arrived ahead of time in the fireplace of the living room. Perhaps he had hoped to find Ron by himself, though said Weasley had long since fled Grimmauld place in anticipation of such an occurrence.

"Kingsley, my man, how are you?" Sirius said trying to wipe all traces of humour off his face as Harry choked back a laugh beside him.

"Hello, Black. Hello, Harry," Kingsley said stiffly, guessing at the source of the suppressed laughter.

Sirius subtly slapped his godson's back to get him to stop.

"You're looking very well Kingsley. And look at that, you're here early, no one has arrived yet!" Sirius pandered on.

"Yes, I wondered if I might have some time to speak with a certain Ron Weasley. Is he here?"

Sirius looked over at Harry for some excuse.

Harry quickly provided one. "Um, no, Ron had to leave. He said something about having to catch a quidditch match between the Chudley Cannons and...What was the other team Sirius?"

"Bollocks if I remember, the Harpies was it?"

"No, it couldn't have been, they don't play this season."

"Though maybe it was the Windergnomes?"

"Nevermind!" Kingsley shouted angrily, "When will he be back?"

"We don't know," Harry said.

"Ron's sincerely dedicated to the game. Come rain or shine," Sirius added.

"Well tell him that I want a word with him when he gets back. Okay?"

"Alright, can do, no problem."

Kingsley narrowed his eyes at Sirius but then just sighed and went to his seat at the dining room table. He didn't have to wait much longer for the meeting to begin. One after the other, the Order of the Phoenix members arrived through the floo network right on the hour. Snape was the last to arrive and came with the news that Dumbledore would be unable to attend "Because," Snape said as he looked pointedly at Sirius, "not everyone has endless freetime on their hands." Sirius rolled his eyes at the insufferable potions master. Though much time had passed since his Hogwarts days, Sirius still felt the urge to insult the greasy git whenever he saw him but he bit back his tongue.

In lieu of Dumbledore's absence, Kingsley headed the meeting. As they sat around the table, it was with genuine surprise that Sirius noted a definite tension between Remus and Tonks. Tonks kept on glancing sideways at the werewolf while Remus looked everywhere around the room except at her. Perhaps Molly was right after all.

Kingsley cleared his throat. "While we have had a, shall we say, distracting week with the Weasley wedding..."

Kingley looked steadily around the table, daring anyone to laugh or so much as smirk at him. None did, except Tonks who stupidly covered up her smile with her hand, only making it more obvious that she was trying not to laugh at her boss. Sirius looked at Remus, who just rolled his eyes.

"...it may please you to know that while we provided security at the wedding, we also garnered some new intelligence from among the guests. A certain acquaintance of Charlie told us the death eaters have been infiltrating the vampiric society in Romania as part of a transcontinental attempt at recruitment. So far as we know, the vampires in that area have been very receptive to Voldemort and may prove dangerous if they help spread his message among other vampire groups in Europe. Vampires, being what they are, have never had any regard for muggles or mudbloods...except as...well you get the picture," Kingsley stifled a cough.

"Don't generalize Kingsley, not all vampires hold such a base opinion of muggles," Snape interrupted haughtily in his annoyingly deep voice, "It was actually _I_ who made the acquaintance of Mister Alexander Vladimir and he is himself a vampire, a Romanian colleague of Charlie."

Sirius felt doubly irked to know that Molly had invited both a vampire and Snape to the wedding but not him. As if reading his thoughts, Snape smirked triumphantly at him. Sirius crossed his arms.

Snape added silkily, "Mister Vladimir is a gentleman of cultivated taste. Never once did I feel threatened that he was a vampire. We got along splendidly."

 _Well of course they would,_ Sirius thought bitterly, _the greasy git looks like a vampire himself._

Mad-Eye grunted his disapproval. "I don't care for this new politically correct speak, I call 'em like I see 'em. If a man eats steaks, he doesn't invite livestock to his home as friends or equals. Vampires are always on the scour for a better meal offer, which is precisely why they'd side with Voldemort. He'd like to see an expansion of their hunting grounds."

"I agree," Sirius said with crossed arms. It was about all he said that evening.

Everyone looked at him.

Sirius raised his brows. "What? I don't trust vampires."

Snape's lips curled as if to say make a snide remark but he was interrupted by Kingsley.

"In any case," Kingsley stared down at both Sirius and Snape, warning them with his eyes to not start, "This particular vampire has proven trustworthy. So far. He has also generously agreed to help us keep a tab on these activities in his region. He has suggested we establish similiar informants in the vampiric community of each country, if only in hot spots of criminal activity. Who agrees with this action?"

Several hands were raised to ask questions about the vampires alliance but Sirius was more focused on glaring at Snape across the table then in listening.

He felt certain that Snape was using his occlumency powers of nonverbal speech to tell him 'Fuck off, Black'.

Sirius in turn, not trained in occlumens, was trying very hard to concentrate on the word "Wanker" but he wasn't sure Snape was getting his message.

Finally he just gave Snape the rude hand gesture for it while Kingsley was looking the other way. Snape's eyes darkened and Sirius smiled.

.

.

.

 **A/N: Hee hee isn't Sirius so mature when he's fighting with Snape? LOL but Snape is immature too, they both act like schoolboys when they fight. More Snape/Sirius fights to come later.**

 **And special thanks to Jily for reviewing! Also thanks to RoaringLion51 and guest. You all have honourary membership in the Sirius Black Society/S.P.E.W.I.**

 **Next part posted at around 8pm today.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This picks up exactly where the last chapter picked off.**

* * *

 **Chapter 6: A Doggish Welcome**

The meeting dragged on at a painfully slow pace and Sirius wondered why he was even there. It's not as if he could be of real use on either a domestic or continental front, except as a dog undercover and even that had its limits. Now Rita Skeeter, he learned from Harry and Hermione last year, could transform into a small insect. As much as he liked being a dog, Sirius had to admit that it would have been infinitely more useful for spying if his animagus were a flying insect. As Kingsley droned on about the European political climate and potential for radicalization, Sirius no longer pretended to listen. He had other ideas.

When the meeting finally ended, Sirius transformed into his dog form and went bounding up the stairs. His wet, sniffing nose quickly located Hermione in the attic on the third floor. He didn't understand why she was there but wasted no time in jumping up to greet her. He had missed her in the past few days she'd been gone and would wait no longer.

"Oh no! Sirius don't!" she yelped as Snuffles jumped up and licked her face with a slobbering tongue.

"Ugh! You have dog's breath you know, or maybe that's just you."

If it were possible for a dog to grin, the dog, otherwise known as Sirius Black or Snuffles, grinned. He barked as an added salute to his victory.

As she wiped her face with the back of her sleeve, Sirius turned back into a human and stood laughing at her. She had her hair down and his dusty pawprints covered her black pants. He liked the combination for some reason.

"Merlin, what are you doing up here Hermione? There's nothing except loads of dust." He sneezed as he surveyed the dusty room around him. The Black family's attic was a large series of connecting rooms filled with boxes upon boxes of forgotten stuff and furniture, all covered in dust.

Hermione pointed her wand at him as she muttered a spell that sounded somewhat like _allergias_.

Sirius immediately stopped sneezing and the tickling sensation in his nose disappeared at once.

"It's an allergy spell," she explained, "I tried clearing up the dust but for some reason scourgify doesn't seem to pick up dust very well..."

"Of course not, you have to use a clarifying spell for dust," Sirius said. He displayed the spell for her with a graceful flick of his wand.

"I don't see why that should be. Why should there be a spell specifically for dust when scourgify seems to work for clearing up everything else?"

"Magic doesn't always make sense, luv," Sirius shrugged, "So what were you doing here in my dear family's attic? Not snooping I hope?"

A part of him wished to be flattered that she was snooping for information about him but he knew Hermione better than to waste time.

"Sorry, I should have asked you beforehand, Sirius but...um I only just had the oddest idea and...well I'm not sure you would understand..."

She looked intently at him for a moment and he wondered why she was not talking.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Well," she said nervously, "it occurred to me while I was staying at the Burrow and talking to some retired Hogwarts professors that...that you had a brother."

Sirius' face immediately darkened.

He had not expected this at all. His brother Regulus was something he never talked about, family not being a particularly favourite subject of his to begin with. Though in the case of Regulus, rather than just hating him as he did most of the Blacks, he had mixed feelings, including a guilt he could not quite understand. But Regulus was long gone, so he didn't see why Hermione was bringing up his dead brother.

"I know you don't like to talk about your brother, Sirius, and I would not have brought it up if I could, but I think there were more things to your brother's story than you are aware of!"

"Is there? And what would you know of these things?" he said more sharply than he intended to. This was Hermione he was speaking to, after all, he could not truly loose his temper with her.

Yet she had touched a nerve just now. He had wanted to laugh and spend time with her but here she was bringing up the past. The damn past, he thought, kept coming back to haunt him like a skeleton in a closet.

"Sirius, I don't know all the details yet, let alone any proof, but there is reason to believe that your brother defected from Voldemort towards the end of his life!"

Sirius laughed emptily. "Regulus defect from Voldemort? I find that hardly believable, Hermione. He was a coward the entire time I knew him. Always doing exactly what my family told him to do, no questions asked."

"No, you're wrong Sirius, it may be why he died."

"So what now, are you going to go through his things in search of some obscure clue that redeems my dead brother?"

"There's more to the story than I've told you Sirius but you don't seem interested in hearing it, do you?" Hermione snapped.

"Don't I? I love to hear fairytales. By all means, please tell me this story, Hermione."

She felt like slapping him. Hermione knew he only acted immature when trying to cover up his emotions but enough was enough.

"I can't believe you, Sirius!" she suddenly shouted, "You are such a hypocrite! You've always lamented that no one believed you were innocent because they judged your story without investigation but here you are judging your own brother, someone you knew very well, without even trying to piece together any of the story! You are doing exactly to Regulus what everyone did to you: condemnation without a trial! You don't even want to give me a chance to explain do you?!"

For once Sirius looked utterly defeated and Hermione immediately regretted that she had lost her temper with him.

"I see..." Sirius said quietly with his eyes on the floor, "Well please go ahead with your inquiries. If you should have the need, I will give you the keys to all Black family vaults and properties, or anything else you ask for, anything."

"Sirius I..." she pleaded.

"No, it's alright. You're right. I'm a big hypocrite. We'll talk about this later okay? It's getting late. Goodnight Hermione."

"Goodnight Sirius," she whispered reluctantly.

She looked at his retreating form. Feeling guilty. Why did Sirius have to be so damnably polite to her after she just screamed at him? He was right to be upset. She'd snooped around in his house and intruded on his family's past. It was really none of her business. Of course she never wanted to upset him. She hadn't even wanted him to know about the whole Regulus story until she was sure there was something to substantiate it. She knew it was a sensitive topic for him...but then she hadn't expected him to find her snooping around in the attic. Damn his canine nose.

.

.

.

.

 **A/N: So this chapter is a bit darker than the other but don't worry there is still much comedy coming up as usual. Like Sirius himself, this story is a mix of happy and sad :) :( We're just going to have to deal with Sirius' past if we are going to move forward...though Hermione may have to drag Sirius kicking and screaming to face it!** **Reviews appreciated!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Making Amends**

In the morning, it was just them at the breakfast table and they could fall back into their old routine. But first things first, thought Hermione.

"I'm sorry about last night Sirius."

"It's perfectly alright," he said ever the gentlemen.

"No it's not. And I'm honestly sorry. I shouldn't have screamed at you, especially not about a deceased family member. I was insensitive."

"Well, you were a little," he teased.

"I know. I just get carried away when I start trying to solve a puzzle. It's like when I am at Hogwarts and working on a project, Harry and Ron know to stay well clear of me because I'm ruthless when anything distracts me or gets in the way...Though if you had kept your snout out of it, maybe I wouldn't have..."

Sirius chuckled. "You can't blame old Snuffles for getting in on your secret! Dogs are natural detectives." He tapped his nose.

"Not fair, Sirius."

"You could become an animagus too Hermione, I'd teach you how."

"You mean unregistered?"

"Yes, of course, unregistered! Everything's better illegal," he waved his hand in the air, "I'm illegal aren't I?"

"In more ways than one. But I think I'll pass, for now...If this investigation is what I think it is, I'll already be engaged in enough illegal activity."

"Keep it in mind, Hermione. You're investigation could be helped along a good deal if you had a second guise like Rita Skeeter."

Hermione made a face of disgust, "Please don't remind me of that woman, she's positively ghastly. Besides there is no way I would risk being squished to death with a fly swatter for the sake of some eavesdropping! Just the thought of turning into something so small makes me feel sick."

Sirius chuckled, "I suppose you're right. I wouldn't be able to ever kill a fly again either if that was your animagus. It would be mighty inconvenient."

"Glad we can agree on that."

They paused their conversation for a little while they ate. Until Sirius brought it up again.

"About yesterday..."

"It was my fault, Sirius! I won't bring it up again, promise, if that's okay with you."

"Can you let me finish?!"

"Sorry."

"As you might have noticed yesterday, I overreacted but once I had time to think of it, I realized it is a very good idea, though I suppose I should expect no less from a bright mind such as yours..."

He paused to give her a tight smile.

"...As it happens, the official story of Regulus' death never sat well with me, it seems unlikely that he would been taken down by a simple exploding spell. I guess I owe it to him to find out what happened. " A pained expression suddenly came into his eyes. "I had stopped talking to Reg even before he became a death eater, but there always was more to my brother than I understood or cared to know...as you said, I blocked things out. He tried to contact me, you know, shortly before he died, he seemed remorseful but I didn't give him the time of day." It was visibly painful for Sirius to finish his last words, "I've always regretted that."

Hermione felt her heart break for Sirius.

What could she possibly say to comfort him? To not blame himself? That everything was going to be alright? His brother was dead. Sirius never got to be reconciled to Regulus or anyone else in the family that didn't give him the love he needed. If there was one thing Hermione had learned about Sirius so far it was almost everything that could have gone wrong, did go wrong in his life. No one could truly relate to his life as a whole. It was too dark.

Yet by some miracle, the man before her had managed to hold onto the light and after so many years in isolation with the dementors, he still had a huge heart. Hermione knew it was a rare man that could still laugh and love in the face of so many hardships. Others who had spent as much or less time in Azkaban returned as broken people, some insane and some just unable to ever enjoy anything again.

What could she possibly say to him?

Her life had been so sheltered compared to his. At the same time, she felt her heart breaking as if she had a direct line of communication to the pain he was feeling.

There were no words for it so suddenly she wrapped her arms around him and though he was taller and larger than her, she felt like a protective mother holding onto a wounded child. Sirius at first flinched away from Hermione when she lunged at him but then realizing it was a hug, he slowly eased into it. He had never been hugged before by Hermione. It felt very different. It was not like a hug with Harry or Remus, which were strong bear-like taps on the back that were quickly withdrawn. This hug lingered on as she held onto him with what seemed to be her whole being. It was as if she were saying by the embrace that she felt his pain, she felt it all and didn't want him to suffer alone. Sirius felt the past recede into the back of his mind as he relaxed in Hermione's arms until there was only her around him and in his mind.

When they pulled away, it didn't feel awkward. They had been one for a moment. If anything, they felt closer.

"You really do care about me, don't you?" he said gruffly, trying to hide his emotion.

Hermione nodded solemnly. Lately she thought she cared more about Sirius than even Harry did. It was like she had direct contact to all his emotions and could feel his pain in her soul, as if it had been transferred from his soul to hers. As if she carried his pain with her always now, so that his burden was less to bear.

"Do you want to tell me the story now?"

"Only if you want to hear it," she said quietly.

He nodded.

"Are you sure you want to hear it now?"

"Yes, I think I do," Sirius said. And he smiled grimly to let her know he was alright.

* * *

Hermione did her best to explain things gently to Sirius but without leaving anything out. Sirius was too smart to not notice if she did. He had to hear the whole truth.

"...You see Regulus wasn't killed while in the battlefield, zero evidence was ever found to support the official story, which was actually just a wild speculation," Hermione said, "His obituary, which I found last night, also had errors. It seems whoever covered his death did not care much for accuracy."

Sirius sighed, "I thought as much. Though you have to remember Hermione, there were so many deaths during that time, on both sides, that it was impossible to keep a track, let alone accurate records, of everyone who died."

"I get what you're saying Sirius, but I think the errors in your brother's case were made on purpose."

"Why would anyone do that?"

"Sirius, your brother was murdered from the inside, by someone among Voldemort's followers. It is even possible that he may have been killed by Voldemort himself."

"How could you possibly know that?"

"Selena Ryder."

Sirius thought for a moment, he had heard that name at Hogwarts a long time ago. Then it came back to him.

"She was his friend, another Slytherin. I remember her now. Not very friendly. Hated Gryffindors...How did you possibly get talking with her? She couldn't have been at the wedding."

"No, but her son was."

"So how did you just casually get talking about my brother's death?"

"It's the oddest thing Sirius but I noticed him immediately because, well...he looks _a lot_ like you."

Realization started to dawn on his face.

"I asked him if he was related to the Black family and he told me after a bit, "Yes, I'm the son of Regulus Black, but don't tell anyone, it's a secret.""

"Why did I never know?" Sirius asked shakily.

"Regulus married and had his only child with Selena," she said quietly, "but he kept his family secret for their protection. They were never seen in the public eye. It was well known that Voldemort tortured the families of his followers when he felt they were in danger of slacking on his orders or running off. And Regulus was taking no chances with his own family. He instructed her to keep the secret even if he died because as long as Voldemort lived, there was a chance that his vengeful nature might endanger them."

There were tears in Sirius' eyes. He had no idea that Regulus had a family, that he by extension had a nephew. He was an uncle. Perhaps it was what Regulus had tried to tell him all those years ago, only for Sirius to ignore him and leave his widow and nephew alone in the world.

"What is his name?"

"Perseus Ryder."

Sirius breathed a laugh. "He wasn't that careful though was he? Everyone knows the Blacks are named after constellations."

"Maybe he wanted people to know, once it was safe, after Voldemort was gone..." her voice trailed off, "Sirius, Perseus told me that his mother always said that his father died trying to take Voldemort down, not support him. He was a death eater, but in the end, he was just a father and husband trying to make the world safer."

When Sirius had collected himself and dried his eyes, he grabbed Hermione's hand and kissed it, the way noble gentleman used to greet ladies.

"Thank you Hermione."

There were no words he could use to describe how much it meant to him.

She just nodded because she knew if she tried to say anything more she might blubber into tears. It was already too much seeing Sirius like this. He must have loved his brother more than he allowed himself to realize. They had been fighting on opposing sides after all so it would not have even been safe for them to meet.

"We're going to need to talk with Selena Ryder," Sirius said with new command in his voice, "I'm guessing there's a lot more than what she told her son. And unless she trusts us, I don't think she'll tell us anything."

.

.

.

 **A/N: Sorry this chapter is dark again but hold on the next chapter will have plenty of laughs in it...poor Siri!**

 **But at least he knows he has family now! Awwwwwww.**

 **If you want to hand Sirius a tissue, please review and I will give it to him to dry his tears. And then he will thanks you for being such kind thoughtful readers. Awwwwwww.**

 ***Goes to cry and listens to "All of me by John Legend" .perfect song for Sirius/Hermione.**

 **Especially the line "What's going on in that beautiful mind? I'm on your magic mystery ride" because Siri is so pretty but messed up. He is crazy beautiful awwwwww.**

 ***stops awwwwing***

 **Thank you to Jily, RoaringLion51 and Guests for reviewing!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: The Forgotten Life of Regulus and Take-out Delivery...and Black Family Matters**

It was the next morning and the first chance they had to discuss the Regulus case in private. They had both decided the day before that it would be best not to mention anything to Harry or Ron. Harry would just worry for Sirius' sake. Ron wouldn't understand but might prove a liability if he blabbered about it. In turn, the leaking of gossip would strengthen the Ryders resolve against telling anymore of their secrets. Meanwhile they didn't have proof of anything, had not yet met with Selena Ryder and still did not even know how they were going to pull it off. Neither could Hermione and Sirius agree on how they were going to get information out of Selena. Hermione mentally went through the possibilities of using a combination of polyjuice, veritaserum and memory charms, but Sirius had entirely different ideas.

Perhaps it was the gentleman in him that respected his brother's widow because he wanted to pull no tricks. He wanted them to just go in there and have a completely honest conversation with Selena.

"I don't get what you're thinking Sirius, you can't honestly think you can show up at her doorstep. She'll have a heart attack and think you want to kill her!"

"Don't exaggerate Hermione, I'm her brother-in-law, not the bogey man."

"Who happens to be a fugitive thought to be an insane murderer. Or do you not remember how Harry and I reacted when we first saw you?!"

"You kids tried to kill me!"

"Because we thought you were trying to kill us! You are not very good at first impressions Sirius, so the whole idea of you going as yourself is absurd!"

"Hermione, I could polyjuice into someone else, as could you, but Selena's simply not going to trust us. I know this woman as being very stubborn and impossible to strangers. You couldn't melt her with a torch, if you tried."

"Her son was friendly enough!"

"He's a Black," Sirius said knowingly, "I'm sure he had an agenda."

Hermione quirked an eyebrow. Now that she thought of it, Perseus Ryder was more than a bit friendly, he was downright flirtatious. But then he must have thought she was interested after she singled him out from the crowd and proceeded to ask him a bunch of random personal questions. She blushed at her naivete, Perseus must have thought her quite bold.

"Listen, the only chance we have that she'll confide in us is if I go as myself. She'll understand it's a Black family matter and why we want to know. Though I agree with you that I can't just show up as myself..as you kindly pointed out I don't make a good first impression when the first things people associate with my name is 'evil crazy murderer'. You'll have to warm her up first."

"I don't know Sirius, it's taking a pretty big risk. How do we know we can trust her? She might not believe anything you say and report you to the ministry."

"Ah but Hermione, you do not see how the wizarding world actually works. Selena Ryder comes from an old pureblood family and the last thing she would do is send a fellow nobleman to prison, regardless of whether he is guilty or not."

Hermione found it odd hearing Sirius referring to himself as a "nobleman" but then this was how he must have been raised. Despite how he rebelled against it.

"As unfair as it is, it was barely a century ago when having noble status was a get out-of-jail-free card for a wizard," Sirius said sardonically, "Even though it is no longer legal to act without impunity, among the old families, they still honour this tradition informally."

"Basically, no one tells on anyone else?" Hermione guessed.

"Exactly."

"That would explain a few things about Lucius Malfoy."

"Actually, I think that git still thinks he's living a century ago."

They broke into laughter. After Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy was his next favourite target to make fun of. Sirius never tired of telling how he punched the pompous blonde in the face when they were fighting in the Department of Mysteries. He was equally impressed when Hermione told him of how she had punched his son Draco in the face during her third year. It seemed they more things in common than they knew.

"What are you guys laughing about?"

Harry and Ron had just come back from the Burrow when they followed the sound of laughter to the living room. Harry was delighted when he found out that they were making fun of the Malfoys. It was no understatement to say that Harry also hated both the father-son duo, so he eagerly joined the conversation with his own stories of one-upping the Malfoys. Ron looked less than happy, for although he had been the butt of Draco's rude jibes for years, he had never properly avenged himself. His one attempt at getting back at Malfoy in second-year had completely backfired. It still brought a flush to his cheeks whenever he remembered how he had accidentally hit himself, rather than Draco, with the slug-eating curse.

"So how was the Burrow?" Sirius asked.

"Same as ever," Ron replied.

"You don't sound too happy about it." He noted that both boys seemed unusually tired and put out.

"Why should I? Mom had us clear off a garden gnome infestation," Ron whined, "Those buggers nearly bit my fingers off."

"That's why you're supposed to wear garden gloves, Ron," Hermione said.

"Yeah, well, maybe you should have been there to help."

Sirius chuckled softly at Ron's stupidity before turning to Harry, "How about you Harry? Did they get you?"

"Strangely no. I didn't get one bite. And I didn't wear gloves either."

"That's because you had the easy spots while mom sent me in to do all the dangerous holes where they were hiding!"

Sirius couldn't help a loud laugh. It was nice to know that Molly sent her son, rather than the-boy-who-lived, to do the dangerous bits. Then again, she was a member of the Order and understood the importance of Harry's life to the future of the wizarding world.

Ron looked angrily over Sirius. "Remind me again Sirius why you weren't able to come over and help?"

Hermione was quick to his defense "Ron! He's an adult, he doesn't have to take orders from your mother...especially not after how she treated him!"

Everybody rolled their eyes at her last sentence, even Sirius because he thought it was high time she lay it to rest.

"Hermione would you just please let it go? Sirius didn't even want to go that wedding and Molly must have known that," Harry pleaded.

"It's true Hermione," Sirius said half-heartedly knowing that Hermione knows he is lieing.

"I don't believe you Sirius," she said looking into his grey eyes knowing that he knows that she knows that he's lieing.

Ron interrupted their cozy little staring match by sitting down between them on the couch. He said with his typical eloquent charm, "I'm hungry Hermione. What have you cooked?"

"Ron why don't you cook yourself!"

"You had all day to cook! And you're the one who volunteered to take over Kreacher's duties."

"Ron, just shut up," Harry said.

"No, I will not shut up. I'm hungry. Do you want me to get Kreacher to make something? Because I'll do that Hermione," he said threateningly.

"I wouldn't try it, Ron. I think anything Kreacher might serve you will be poisoned." Sirius said.

"So what am I supposed to do, starve?"

"Over poisoning? I think it's the preferable option," Sirius said impatiently.

"Um, has no one here heard of take-out?" Harry said in frustration. Living as a muggle for so long made him realize how impractical the wizarding world could be. As he tried to explain what take-out food was to a confused looking Sirius and Ron, Harry sighed in frustration. "Honestly, it's like wizards refuse to wipe their own ass if a spell or elf can do it, no matter if it takes longer and is highly undignified."

Hermione and Sirius burst out laughing.

Ron looked miffed. "No one gets elves to wipe their arse, Harry, there's at least ten different spells to do that. Honestly, I don't know where you got that idea."

"It's a metaphor Ron."

"Hey, I bet you Lucius Malfoy does it!"

"Ugh!" The mental image made them all gag.

A few moments later, Harry stood up, "Right, I'm going to get the food now. Any requests?"

"Can you get pizza, Harry?" Sirius said

"Sure, any toppings?" Harry observed the blank expression on his godfather's face, "Toppings are the things that go on top of the pizza, Sirius."

"Oh yeah! Can you get those little fishy things? I like those."

"Anchovies? No," Harry said flatly.

"Get pineapple and relish then."

"Relish is for hotdogs, not pizza. Honestly, you have the weirdest tastes Sirius."

"I meant wizard relish," Sirius said with dignity, as if it were a serious issue.

"Right. You can just add that yourself."

Harry turned to Ron who was stretched out on the couch and looked like not even an earthquake could get him to move. "C'mon, Ron, I am going to show you how to get take-out. It's a very important life skill and I don't want to find you dead one day because I didn't teach you."

"Sorry Harry, I'm too tired. Go without me."

"Ron, it's very easy, sort of like a spell, you mumble aloud some things into a phone and delicious food arrives at your house half an hour later."

"I have to wait half-an hour? What kind of spell takes half-a-bloody hour?"

Harry was losing his patience. "That's it. This is for your own good, Ron."

Harry took out his wand and said "Locomotor Ron!" A second later, Ron floated in the air behind Harry as they went to order pizza.

"Good job Harry!"

"Whoa! Harry!" Hermione cheered.

Hermione turned to Sirius, "What's wizard relish?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow cheekily and Hermione wished she hadn't asked.

Later that night, when they were alone again, Sirius and Hermione resumed the discussion they were having before being interrupted many hours ago.

"So we covered how we want to do this thing. Now we have to decide on when," Hermione said.

"The sooner the better."

"I thought you'd say that. But do we really want to hurry this?"

"Is there any reason not to? I don't see any merits in delaying. You never know when people might drop dead."

"That's a dark thing to say."

Sirius waved a hand through his hair, "But very true, especially with witnesses who have information others want to suppress. With the family she's from, Selena is likely to be privy to alot more than just my brother's secrets. If someone keeps to themselves as much as Selena Ryder does, I would say it's because they're worried for their safety...Or are being watched."

"You're right, I hadn't thought of it. That would explain why she's so wary of meeting strangers."

"Which means her house will be tightly warded. Which means the only way we're going to reach her is by invitation."

"You're leading somewhere with this, aren't you?"

"Yes," he cleared his throat and resumed as if he hadn't been interrupted, "Which means that you're going to have to get Perseus to invite you."

"Great. Exactly how am I going to casually get a seventeen year old to introduce me to his mother?"

Sirius could not resist a joke, "Easy, tell him you want to marry him."

"Ha, bloody, ha, Sirius. He must already think I'm daft. I'm not going to lead him down that road any further."

"You're such a tease, Hermione, I had no idea."

She coaxed an eyebrow at him, just daring him to try her patience. Sirius backed down from the challenge.

"Listen, you won't say you want to meet his mother. But once there, you'll have to make some kind of diversion so that it's just you and Selena...and me." He rubbed his hands together.

.

.

.

 **A/n: yeah i told you this chapter was going to be sillier ;) Oh dear what could Sirius be up to? Trust me the next chapter is going to be VERY silly :)**

 **big thank yous to everyone that reviewed, it made sirius feel a lot better !**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: So I still need to edit the dialogue more but you guys were all so nice with the reviews you left that I had to update it again! Special thanks to Jily, Guests, and morgenstern!**

* * *

 **Chapter 9: Punks and Conservatives**

The next day found Hermione in the library furiously scribbling on a desk littered with paper and quill. She had wrote and aced many tests, but somehow trying to write a letter to Perseus Ryder that put them on friendly, but not too friendly, terms was one of the most difficult things she had attempted. She didn't want to sound like a floozy. When he got a letter addressed to him from her, he'd probably think she was madly in love with him and stalking him. But then she couldn't be too aloof either, otherwise she might not get the visit she was after.

She pulled a fresh piece of paper and tried writing anew:

 _Dear Perseus,_

 _I was thinking of the wedding the other day_ _when you're name came to my mind. I feel_ _as if_

 _I knew you, though we only just met..._

No, no, no and no. It sounded as if she were insanely obsessing about him. She crumpled up the letter.

 _Dear Perseus,_

 _I had a lot of fun talking to you,_ _there is so much I want to ask you,_

 _do you think we could meet again?_

Too desperate. She crumpled it up.

Why couldn't she just write what she meant? As an exercise, she tried just that.

 _Dear Perseus,_

 _The reason I singled you out and talked_ _to you at the wedding was NOT because_ _I was madly attracted to you, but because_ _you happen to look exactly like Sirius Black... __who is Harry's godfather_ _and the man we are all currently_ _living with for the summer!_

 _He's innocent, if you would believe._ _And given that he is your uncle, and_ _has regrets of how he left things_ _with your father, he wants_ _to meet you and your mother for_ _a heart to heart. He has some_ _questions about Regulus death, for_ _we have reason to believe it_ _may uncover some secrets to_ _unraveling Voldemorts's defenses._

 _Yours,_

 _Hermione_

She had to admit Sirius was right: being straightforward and honest made things a lot easier.

People had a way of sensing when someone had an ulterior motive. But as much as she wanted to, she couldn't send this letter. Though the thought of bringing Perseus's ego down a notch pleased her. She and Sirius had agreed to be completely honest with Selena, but not with her son who was a bit of a blabbermouth. After all, it had taken Perseus only a few minutes of speaking to Hermione, a pretty girl, to divulge his own family secret to her.

She needed to talk it over with Sirius. Eventually he would want his only nephew to know him but given the circumstances it was debatable whether they could trust Perseus right now. Hermione left the library and went up to the attic where she had left Sirius to find sort through some things.

"Sirius? Where are you?"

"Here!" His voice called out from a distance.

The attic was large enough to get lost in but she soon found him in one of the side rooms near the end. It was one of the few rooms in the attic that had a window and it was relief to see some natural light pouring in. The window was circular with lead ribbing that gave it the appearance of a human iris. With the stormy grey sky currently outside, it almost looked like one of Sirius' grey eyes.

"So how's the search going-" she stopped as she took a double take of Sirius. His back was turned but he was decked out in the sort of clothing she might expect out of someone in a 1970s punk motorcycle gang, not Sirius Black, the godfather of her best friend.

"Sirius, what on earth are you wearing?"

He chuckled, "Sorry I got a bit carried away when I found some of my old clothes. What do you reckon, do they still fit me?"

Hermione surveyed the tight black jeans and the black leather jacket he wore. She could not deny they made him attractive in a striking way, though the thought unnerved her.

"Hmm." She looked back up at his face, uncertain of who exactly was standing before her anymore.

"What?" He felt as if he had something on his face, "Do you not approve of the punk look, Hermione?"

"Please, as if I were so matronly."

"I don't know you come across as conservative at times."

He felt abit annoyed at Hermione. It meant a lot to him to find his leather jacket and old clothing. He felt like a stuffy pureblood whenever he wore his wizard robes or anything else with a cape that billowed behind him when he walked...like that prat Snape. Yet, if her reaction was anything to go by, Hermione did not approve of his new look. Why did she look at him so oddly?

"What...? Do I look ridiculous?"

She waved her arms. "Nevermind, you just look very different, okay?!"

"Fine."

Why is he being so touchy about it? she thought. I am the one that should be disturbed, those pants are disturbingly tight. She saw more of Harry's godfather than she should've. She needed some eye bleach to get it out of her mind.

"Are _those_ clothes all you found today, or did you actually find something about Regulus?" she sounded as matronly as possible, an art she had perfected since before she was even born.

Sirius sighed and swiped a hand through his shaggy hair.

"As it happens, I've found nil! Not that I covered the whole attic yet, just these two rooms.." he felt his fingers over the worn leather of his jacket "I just don't know what I'm looking for. Regulus didn't have a lot of stuff, but the crap he left behind is quite random."

"I have to admit, you're right. We don't even know what we're looking for at this point. Until we talk with Selena, it may be an exercise in futility."

Sirius nodded to himself. Futile, and old, was exactly how he felt at this moment. When he wore this jacket in his youth, people, especially girls, looked at him as if he were a Gryffindor god. Not like he was having a midlife crisis. _"What is her problem anyways?'_ he thought indignantly, _"It's not as if I gained weight. I'm the exact same size, I should still look amazing."_

Sirius suddenly looked angrily over at Hermione. She acted so matronly and bossy sometimes, as if she ran the place. But this was his house, his brother and his investigation.

It was time she answered a few questions of his.

"So did you send that letter to Perseus?"

Hermione felt an embarrassed blush but did not answer.

"Why are you blushing? Did you send the letter or not? It's a very simple question."

"No..I..I had a bit of trouble putting down the right words..." Hermione said.

"It's a bloody letter, not a love sonnet, Merlin's sake," he chuckled "you do go overboard with your perfectionism sometimes."

"I wasn't trying to get it perfect! I was just trying not to sound like a stalker!"

"As if that would scare him off! Actually it would probably speed things up. He's a teenage boy, isn't he? Do you really think he's going to reject you at point blank?" Though it was immature, he couldn't help laughing condescendingly at Hermione's face. She was so naive in some aspects, despite her vast intelligence.

"Well, if you're such an expert, you can bloody-well write the letter yourself!"

"Good. I warn you though, I'm very good at writing innuendo." He chuckled, feeling like a Maurauder up to one of his pranks.

"If you write anything to embarrass me, you will be the one polyjuiced as myself and playing the tart, because I'm not!"

"Ugh! He's my nephew Hermione!"

He scrunched up his face in disgust, he was going to need some mental bleach to get that image out of his mind.

"Exactly, Sirius, so keep it within the lines," she warned.

She's most definitely conservative, Sirius thought. Oh well...

.

.

.

 **Author's note: I wrote this awhile ago so I felt rereading it that their behaviour in this chapter was a bit OOC but maybe I'm wrong, I would appreciate your input and any harsh criticsim :)**

 **Thanks! I'm honestly surprised at how many people seem to like this story!**


	10. Chapter 10

**So this story has a beta now! She's a british punk so she'll be helping add some kickassness to the story! Thanks Creativepunk77 and I LOVE that she hates Sirius!**

 **Chapter 10: Definetely Conservative**

Hermione and Sirius spent the next morning arguing over the letter that needed to be sent to Perseus. Hermione had already delayed things by postponing the task once and, truth be told Sirius was losing his patience with her, as she attempted to postpone it a second time. And over some small details. But Sirius wasn't going to let her have her way, this wasn't just some trivial matter, but a Black family affair. And he was the heir of the Black family, dammit!

"What on earth is your problem?! You said I could write the letter since you were having so much trouble doing it, so I did!"

"I said if you kept it within the lines! Which you didn't!"

"Do you see any foul language written here Hermione?!" he said innocently, holding out the letter to her face.

"There doesn't need to be any when you've used so much bloody innuendo! He's going to think I'm a total moron!"

"No, he's going to think you're a normal human being! A compliment if you ask me!"

"You're -you're unbelievable!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I'm sending the letter."

"No you're not!" She rushed after him, viciously trying to grab it out of his hands.

Sirius was no push-over himself but he was a bit shocked at Hermione's agressiveness.

True, the letter was utterly outrageous and completely met the Maurauder motto of 'I solemnly swear I'm up to no good'. But she was practically scratching at his hands as she tried to grab it.

"I should've burnt that letter the second I saw it!"

"But you didn't!" he barked.

"Only because you were laughing so god-damn much."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

She didn't answer that it was out of sympathy because he often looked depressed without real joy in his laughter. Too bad she couldn't care less at the moment. Sirius had burned all his sympathy cards.

"I should just hex you."

"Don't be unreasonable Hermione. I offered, like a gentleman, to edit out the most ridiculous bits but you obstinately refused."

"I'm far past diplomacy Sirius, negotiating with you is like trying to bargain with a naughty school boy."

"'Naughty school boy'? Now that's quite saucy, I should've used that in the letter."

Sirius laughed as if everything were a joke, but Hermione wasn't playing anymore. She had her wand tightly gripped in her hand. This had become a battle of wills.

"This is your last warning, give me that letter Sirius. And I won't hurt you."

"As if you could."

His arrogant smirk infuriated Hermione so much that she wanted to hang him upside down and feed him to a crocodile.

But she tried to calm down and assume the role of a concerned parent, "I'm going to walk slowly towards you and you're going to hand over the letter Sirius."

"Spare me the patronizing tone."

She took a step towards him. He observed her for a split second before muttering below his breath and turning the whole floor into slippery ice. Hermione barely missed slipping on the ice and breaking her neck.

"That's it!" she said as she got her injured bum up from the ice. She wordlessly defrosted the floor with a sharp switch of her wand. The room flooded with the melted water, wetting both their shoes. "I've had enough of your childish behaviour Sirius!" She brandished wand her out.

"Oh no, mother, please don't punish Sirius!" he taunted in a high-pitch voice.

Hermione smiled cruelly before she sent a stunning hex towards him but he deflected it and just as quickly sent back a jelly leg jinx. Hermione jumped out of the way before her legs became useless noodles and sent him an unforgiveable itching curse. Spells flew back and forth through the air as they darted around each other, jumping around furniture. She was impressed by his speed and the almost elegant way he moved his wand, in contrast to her powerful but unsynchronized movements. But she was caught by surprise when he sent immobilus her way and it caught her. In an instance she was floating in the air, immobilized as she helplessly watched her own wand fly away from her own hand and into his outstretched one.

There was barely a trace of perspiration or exhaustion on his aristocratic features but he rested his elbow against the wall beside her and leaned against it, as if catching his breath. He shuffled his long hair out of his face.

"Well, that took a little longer than I thought it would. You put up a good fight Hermione, a very good one."

Dammit, why does he have to be such a good sport at winning? she whined

inside her head. If I had won, I would at least gloat. And smash his face into the wall by accident for being such an immature jerk.

As if sensing her silent anger, Sirius moved closer to look at her.

His grey eyes met her large brown ones. She felt odd and wished she could close her eyes but he moved as quickly away from her. He went towards the window and called out for Figgy with a magical whistle. (The call from a magical whistle can only be heard by the one it is intended for and can reach them at any distance.)

Sirius left the window open and turned back to look at Hermione.

"Fingers crossed Hermione, I'm going to send that letter. We've wasted enough time already." He said this matter-of-factly, as if he were the mature adult, and not the childish moron who penned an innuendo-filled letter to his own nephew.

Hermione watched helplessly as Figgy appeared and Sirius tied the letter to his leg with instructions on where to take it. As the owl flew away, Sirius finally let Hermione down.

"Give me my wand back!" she said rudely.

Sirius looked at her with half-closed eyes as if sizing her up and whether she could be trusted with her wand back so soon.

"Believe me Sirius, I have no interest in carrying this on any further. It's utterly childish and I have to prepare supper before the boys get back."

To emphasize that she was not lieing to him, she looked over at the clock on the wall as if she really was concerned with getting supper ready on time.

"Very well, 'mother'. Go on your way then." He tossed the wand back and smiled emptily.

Hermione rolled her eyes but did not appreciate being compared to his mother. The truth was that she was tempted to use her newly regained wand to hex him. Normally she felt protective over Sirius but her sympathy had literally been tossed out the window and she felt like attacking him right now. She didn't understand herself, she knew she had a right to be angry but not this angry! It was just a stupid letter after all. She breathed in heavily and turned to go the kitchen.

.

.

.

 **A/N: Thanks so much for reading and liking this story! And thanks to Jily, confidential writer, morgenstern, morganna and Guest for reviewing again, you all get a big shiny S.P.E.W.I. badge and brownie points :) Everyone else gets Grumpy Cat points lol just joking!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Sorry I didn't mean to offend anyone with the 'grumpy cat' points. **hangs head in shame****

 **:-)**

* * *

 **Chapter 11: Or not so Conservative...**

Sirius was delighted, and Hermione shocked, by the positive reply they received only a day later. As Sirius had kindly pointed out before, Perseus was not going to reject Hermione even if she was literally stalking him at this point. She had honestly expected him to be scared off, instead she was shocked he had responded so eagerly.

Sirius reread Perseus's lengthy meandering letter to Hermione and laughed for what seemed like the thousandth time.

"What a complete git! I know he's my nephew, but what a git!" He quoted, " _'I look forward to, how shall I say, picking things where we left off Hermione. You're right, we had a connection. I'm not sure I understand your insistence on meeting at my place... My mom is usually there...and well we might want a little privacy, won't we?'_ He must thing you're all lined up for him. The git! Well he has another thing coming!"

Sirius laughed loudly though secretly he felt a bit outraged that Perseus came on so strongly to Hermione and their letter to him. Or was that guilt because he was directly responsible for provoking the young lad? Sirius hadn't counted on the 17 year old Perseus responding to the letter as if he were a regular Casanova eager to get his hands on her. Then again, hotblood ran in the Black family...

"You should _never_ have sent that letter."

"What are you talking about it? It's great!"

"Sirius, there is no way I can go meet him now," Hermione said and crossed her arms, "It'll be too embarrassing!"

"You'll do fine. And I'll be by your side the whole time. Snuffles has quite the bite, in case he gets any ideas."

"In case?! In case he gets any ideas? Are you kidding me! You full-out gave him the idea and now he's already making the plans! He thinks I want to date him!"

"Calm down Hermione." Though secretly he was amused by her modesty.

"No I will not calm down! You've humiliated me! I can't think of one reason why I shouldn't force you to go polyjuiced as myself!"

"He's my nephew Hermione!"

"That didn't stop you from writing a dirty letter to him!"

"It was not dirty, it was flirtateous. That's what teenage girls are supposed to sound like, in case you don't know. Though maybe you didn't learn that because it's not written in any book," he narrowed his eyes.

"Well, since you seem to be the expert on flirtation and being a girl, I suggest you go as one!"

"That can't happen Hermione. How am I going to explain to Selena, my sister-in-law, that I'm polyjuiced as a teenage girl because I flirted with her son to meet her, but really I'm just Sirius Black, an escaped convict? She'd hex me into the next world before I even had a chance to explain why it's all the fault of my prude accomplice!"

"I am not a prude, I just have a sense of decency and self-respect," Hermione gritted through her teeth.

"Okay, alright. I respect that. No one's asking you to be a tart. But can you at least pretend to be one for a few minutes so we can find out what happened to my dead brother?"

Sirius knew it was a cheap shot to bring out his "dead brother" guilt card, but he couldn't have her blowing their plans over mere embarassment. And he didn't want to have another argument either, not with how angry she was last time after she lost.

"Fine. When you put it that way, I guess it's not much to ask for...But you can be sure this is the first and last time."

Somewhere in the immature recesses of Sirius' brain, a neuron couldn't help firing off: _'Impossible, once you go Black, you never go back!_ ' Luckily he did not voice his thoughts. Otherwise, Hermione truly might have hexed him into the next world.

* * *

Harry, Ron and Sirius sat around the dining table while Hermione finished tossing the salad and brought the rest of the meal to the table. She had made a delicious beef and carrot stew that immediately made anyone who caught a whiff of it drool. It was a recipe she had learned from her Chinese neighbour: the secret to a good beef stew was to add a bit of sliced ginger.

"Wow, this looks great Hermione!"

"Much better than last time," Ron said absentmindedly.

"Do not bring that up Ron," Harry warned. He didn't want to lose his appetite or have Ron tick off Hermione again. It was an unfortunate occurence that the last lunch Hermione had prepared had been completely inedible. Though she apparently followed a recipe, no one had been able to stomach the sour tasting spinach ricotta spaghetti. Even to Harry, who had tried to politely eat a few bites, it looked and tasted like green puke.

"So what are you boys up to today?"

"We're going to the Burrow," Harry said.

"Again?" Sirius looked around the table to see if anyone was thinking what he was thinking. "You seem to be spending alot of time at the Burrow, Harry, for someone who's not a Weasley."

"What are you trying to say Sirius? He's my best friend, of course he's going to be there," Ron huffed.

Sirius laughed. "Oh nothing, nothing...How is your sister, Ginny?" he asked Ron while looking over at Harry.

Ron caught onto Sirius's line of direction, "She's fine. So you can stick your nose out of it!"

"Ron! What is your problem? You are being rude to Sirius, and in his own house, I would remind you," Hermione chastised.

"He knows what he's trying to do," Ron said moodily and glared at Sirius.

Oh boy, Sirius thought. Trouble lay ahead for Harry if even the suggestion that Harry might be interested in Ginny offended Ron. Though it was unclear whether Ron was just being a protective brother or he was annoyed that his best mate wanted to spend time with his sister instead of him.

He'd have to chat with Harry sometime, to clear up the matter. Merlin knows, he could've used some advice himself at that age. It might've have avoided him a lot of trouble...and the wrath of a good number of girls when he was a student at Hogwarts.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Harry asked a second time.

"Mum said she's making pumpkin tarts," Ron said, though he didn't actually sound like he wanted to share his tarts.

"I think I'll pass," Hermione said.

"Yeah me too...We haven't finished with the attic yet," Sirius lied.

Ron looked flabbergasted. "Are you kidding me? You're choosing to spend your day cleaning an attic?"

"Someone has to do it, there are dark objects in there," Hermione lied smoothly, "and Kreacher can't be trusted to do it."

"You guys are boring!" Ron said flatly.

He should have kept his mouth shut there but instead he continued speaking, "I mean Hermione you've always been boring, but now you too Sirius? What has she done to you?"

"Shut up Ron!" Harry said but it was already too late.

Sirius looked over at Hermione.

Though she was trying her best not to show it, Hermione looked like she was about to cry and wordlessly left the room. She and Ron has been on edge for awhile since their last argument about Molly.

"Shit." Sirius knew that Hermione often felt like the odd one out in the trio, but did Ron have to rub it in her face?

"Do you have no sensitivity at all?!" Sirius shouted at Ron.

"What? I was just kidding, I didn't mean to, to-"

"To hurt her feelings?" Harry finished for him, "Well, you just did! By a long shot. Whether you meant to or not doesn't really matter now." Harry shook his head.

"Should I apologize?" Ron said dumbly.

"I don't think she'll want to see you just now," Harry said impatiently as he left the room to go after Hermione.

Harry returned a minute later. "She's locked herself in her room. She doesn't want to talk to anyone."

Harry turned to Sirius, "See that she's alright, yeah?"

Sirius nodded weakly. Since Hermione had left the room, he felt gutted. Angry enough to want to punch Ron out. But it wasn't just anger. He couldn't explain why or how but it was as if he could feel Hermione's pain, as if it were his own.

It was the oddest feeling.

"We'd better go." Harry said and left with Ron to the Burrow.

Grimmauld place stood in solemn silence for a long moment before Sirius made his way up the creaking stairs to Hermione's room. He heard her quiet sniffles as he approached her door. He knew Harry said that her door was locked and she didn't want to talk to anyone, yet it felt wrong for him to turn back, not when he knew she was crying.

He knocked softly.

"Hermione?"

A pause of silence.

"Can I come in?"

He turned the knob and was surprised that the door opened.

Hermione sat on the edge of her bed, looking away from him. Yet he knew she was still crying heavily by the heaving of her shoulders which shook the wavy curls of her hair. He walked around the side of the bed.

"Don't come any closer! I don't want you to see me like this."

"See you like what? You haven't grown a tail have you?"

A choking sound came out of her throat. Sirius wasn't sure if was a cry or an attempt at a laugh, but it sounded like an improvement to him. Finally she spoke again, "Do you always have to be so silly?"

"Can't help it, love," he said trying to sound more nonplussed than he felt.

He sat beside her. Immediately, she looked away from him, hiding her face with the curtain of her hair.

"C'mon there's no reason to hide your face from me or anyone..."

Hermione's shoulders relaxed a bit as she listened to his voice. She found Sirius' soft baritone voice relaxing.

"If anyone should hide their face it's Ron, not you. And I don't just say that because of what he said, Ron is a pretty ugly git, personality aside." He refrained from adding that sometimes he wanted to punch out Ron when he was being especially rude.

Sirius ran a hand through his shaggy hair. "Damn annoying mug, he looks like he's sucked on a lemon most of the time with those puckered lips and squinty eyes."

Hermione managed to let out a small laugh.

"On the other hand, you...

He stopped speaking for a moment as she at last turned around and faced him. Her cheeks were stained with tears and her nose was slightly pink yet somehow she looked utterly nice as he met her gaze.

"You look..." he stopped himself from saying what he thought. It didn't seem appropiate.

"...like a wreck." She finished for him and burst into tears again but this time she let him hold her as her sorrows came pouring forth.

After a while she managed to sputter out what was troubling her and Sirius listened patiently.

"All my life I never had many friends, I was always the one in the library studying with books. People think it's because I am trying to prove myself better than others by being the smart one but sometime I'd just be there because I had no one else to talk to..." she stammered and struggled to not break down in tears, "People think we're so close, the trio, with Harry and Ron, but I just feel, I mean I have always felt like, they just use me for my brains..That they're not...not actually my f-f-friends."

She burst into more tears and Sirius held her firmly against his shoulders until she stopped shaking.

He looked straight into her eyes. "They are your friends Hermione, even though Ron can be a jerk, Harry I know would do anything for you. They do care about you, deeply."

"It doesn't feel that way."

"Well we don't always see things clearly do we?...Take my example, I trusted and loved my friends, thought they did the same. They were like family to me and could do no wrong, I even put them before my own family, but in the end I misplaced my trust. Despite what I believed, I could not be more wrong."

Hermione immediately pulled away from his shoulders to look Sirius in the eye.

"I'm so sorry, Sirius," she wiped roughly at her eyes, as if chastising them for being so weak, "I don't know why I'm crying, I'm crying over nothing...Compared to what you have gone through...Ron says mean things but he has never betrayed me, not like that."

She hugged Sirius to her and held onto him as if she worried he might collapse under the weight of his own grief. He stroked her hair.

"And he never will betray you. Don't ask me how I know, I just know. Ron's a right arse at times, but it's because he's an open book and there's no evil in him."

"I hadn't thought of it that way, but you're right. Ron is an open book."

"Yes. On the other hand, it's the ones that never lose their temper or anger you that you have to be careful about. Peter Pettigrew was that way, always  
hanging about James like he worshipped him."

A bitter pain stabbed at Sirius' heart. It was the same pain he felt whenever he remembered the betrayal that led to the death of his best friend and ended in his his own imprisonment. Time did not diminish his grief but he did his best to shove it aside and hold the girl in his arms, to be there for her...forgetting about his own pains for a moment. Normally he felt so calm in Hermione's presence, so that it made it easier to forget about his past, but right now seeing her so upset had upset his own equilibrium.

He hugged Hermione again to his shoulder, "It's alright. It's alright," he murmured, though he didn't know who he was saying it to. He held for a long time until she had recovered and no more tears fell from her pretty eyes.

"Sirius?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

"No problem."

He noticed that she still was a little sad hours later, which she only made more obvious by trying to smile more than she usually did.

Sirius couldn't stand seeing Hermione sad, dammit. It made him sad too.

Finally he just grabbed her hand in his and said, "We're getting out of here!"

.

.

.

 **A/N: Whoo! Is anybody else excited that Sirius is finally going taking Hermione out?! I know I would love to go out with Siri (though I might get carried away and attack him with hugs while he repeatedly tells me 'its not a date, i'm too old for you and im just trying to be nice to you! sheesh!')**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: Illegal Tour of London**

"Sirius! What are you talking about?" she tried to stop him from pulling her towards the front door but it was to no avail. His grip on her hand was ironclad though not hurtful.

"We need some fresh air."

"We can't just leave now! It's going to be nighttime soon, it's much too late."

"The 'boys' are still out, I don't see how it's too bloody late. Personally, I'd rather not wait around for Ron to come back with a grovelling apology."

"I don't need him to apologise," she said defensively.

"Good. So what better way to show that than by not being here?"

He grinned and the manic look on his face told her it was no use arguing. They were going out tonight.

She sighed and gave up resisting him.

"Where do you want to go Sirius?"

"Muggle London."

The way his eyes met hers as he said this, as if making a dare, had her smiling in an instant. Even though it was completely irresponsible. And wreckless. But if she said no she'd be proving Ron right, that she was boring.

"Okay, we'll go!" she shouted.

"That's more like it!"

'Nice to see her genuinely smiling again,' thought Sirius.

She made him swear he'd stay as Padfoot unless they were in a large crowd where they could go unnoticed. Sirius assured her that with the crowds in muggle London on a Friday night, and glamours, they didn't really have to worry about standing out.

Still, he had to pinch himself at the turn of events when a few hours later, nearing midnight, he found himself sitting in a chic London club sipping cocktails with Hermione. He had allowed her only to have a few drinks but apparently even that tiny amount was enough to get her almost tipsy. When Sirius said he wanted them to have a night out in London, this was definetely not what he had planned. If he had been alone, a pub was where he would have ended up happily. But not when accompanied by an underage Hermione.

For the first time in his life, Sirius felt somewhat embarassed being in a pub. Their table had gotten a number of looks before they put their glamours. For even though Sirius looked much younger by muggle standards, Hermione looked every bit a sixteen year old.

They began their little adventure by running through the streets of London like it was their last day alive and they just couldn't get enough. It started innocently enough with a few rides on the tube, then the eye of London and a stroll through Picadilly. But things got abit iffy after Hermione suggested they break into the Tower of London to see it afterhours. If anyone else had suggested it, Sirius would have grinned and agreed without blinking twice. But this was Hermione. Straight-laced, conservative Hermione suggesting that they break into the highly guarded Tower of London. Only hours after she had been upset about being called "boring" by Ron. It was most definetely a backlash reaction. But Sirius hadn't the heart to point it out to her. She might think he was agreeing with Ron and secretly thought she was boring as well, too boring to break into the Tower.

As if that were possible.

Sirius and Hermione busted their way through the Tower like two Marauders. Sirius was surprised to note that muggle security systems had advanced a long way since his time as a deliquent youth with a motorcycle and too much time on his hands. Working as a team, they had to outsmart cameras, lasers, infrared heat detectors and an advanced computer security system. In other words, it was reckless and stupid and totally worth it. They felt such a high as they beheld first hand the unprotected crown jewels. Hermione said she felt like Cary Grant in a jewel heist film, even though they weren't taking anything...Sirius didn't get the reference. He didn't need to either. He knew everything she was feeling by the way her eyes sparkled, even brighter than the jewels in front of her. She was on cloud nine and so was he.

As they ran back through the streets of London, he had to check himself several times because it felt like they were flying..and there were muggles around. But they were only flying inside their minds while the adrenaline flooded their running legs with new speed. Hermione screamed beside him as he ran to catch up with her.

Suddenly Hermione stopped outside a bar in the club scene and grinned at Sirius like she had just found the doorway to shangri-la.

They were both so high on life and she looked ready to pull him inside if he protested, that there was no way Sirius could say no in that moment. The pulsing techno music practically begged them to come inside.

Ever up to speed, Hermione immediately conjured up wallets with entire sets of I.D.s and handed one to Sirius. Driver's license, national health card, workplace cards, citizenship cards, you name it. Hermione's cards all said Jane H. Russell, while Sirius' cards said Gary Cooper.

The names both sounded vaguely familiar though Sirius couldn't quite put his finger on where he heard them...though Jane and Gary were pretty commonplace names. But Sirius, a.k.a. Gary Cooper, laughed in shock when he saw she had used his Askaban prison mugshot for all his IDs.

"Oh, very nice choice for my mugshot Hermione," he said a bit grimly, because really he was vain and didn't like that she used his most unflattering photo possible. Which also made him look like a crazy, dangerous person.

"Sorry, Sirius, but it was the first thing that came to mind. You know, it's kind of etched in my memory after seeing so many of your wanted posters."

"You've been seeing me everyday for a month but that's what's etched in your memory?!"

Secretly he worried for a second that she still thought of him unconsiously as that crazy escaped convict.

"Who cares Sirius, no one's even going to look at your I.D. because you look more than old enough."

"True. So how old did put yourself as?"

"Twenty-one."

He bit back a laugh. "Yeah right, no one's going to believe that no matter how many I.D.s you have."

Hermione looked analytical for a moment. "I don't understand why I shouldn't come across as older. I dress and have the mature, level-headed demeanor of an adult. Plus, I'm the height and weight of a fully grown adult."

"Minus a few assets," Sirius snickered.

Hermione's cheeks burned. "What did you say?"

Sirius looked away and whistled a song innocently to himself.

Hermione tried to kill him with her eyes but it was no use when he refused to look at her.

"I'll wear a glamour then," Hermione gritted before subtly waving her wand and turning into a wrinkled, bleach-blonde fifty-year old with an embarassingly fake tan. Sirius felt his eyes water. It would look like he was escorting a pensioner into the club.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Now, Hermione. I said you need to look older, not turn yourself into an old crone."

"But Sirius," she smiled sweetly, "I just thought I should match your age."

"That is _not_ my age group! Besides, I doubt they'll let you in looking like that. Your muggle clubs are very judgmental."

"You sound as if you know a lot about muggle clubs, Sirius."

"I don't. I just know enough that you only get in by looking a certain way, or looking and acting filthy rich."

Hermione smirked dangerously and Sirius should have known what was coming.

She waved her wand again and now a leggy woman with long black hair and insurably large assets on display stood before him. To add to this effect, she wore ridiculous spiked black heels and was clad in a tiny leather dress that had her assets practically spilling out at the top.

"Adult enough for you?" Hermione smirked.

Sirius' felt his throat go dry.

.

.

.

 **A/N: Uh oh! I think Hermione is letting this whole being irresponsible rebellion thing go a little too far! Don't worry though Sirius is a responsible adult ;) As a side note, this is the summer after Order of the Pheonix, so Hermione is almost 17.**

 **Would love to hear your reviews/thoughts/encouragements or grumpy cat opinions. =^_^= Mreeeow!**

 **Special thanks for everyone who reviewed! And to my beta creativepunk77!**

 **.**

.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Please review if you like it!**

* * *

 **Chapter 13: Illegal Tour of London, part 2**

Hermione waved her wand again and now a leggy woman with long black hair and insurable assets on display stood before him. To add to this bombshell, she wore black spiked high-heels and a tiny black leather dress that had her assets practically spilling out at the top.

"Adult enough for you?"

Sirius tried to close his mouth shut. Adult was not exactly the word that came to mind. More adult film star.

"Sure, but your f-face no longer matches your I.D.," he said dumbly, trying not to look down at her chest.

"No one's going to be looking at my I.D. Sirius," she smirked again.

WTF happened to the prudish Hermione who had been complaining about a simple letter just yesterday? thought Sirius. Ron's comments must have hurt Hermione more deeply than even she let on. Because if this was a backlash reaction, she was giving it in spades.

He was beginning to miss the old prudish Hermione.

Nonetheless, Sirius followed the bombshell glamoured Hermione into the club, trailing behind like a chastised puppy dog. As expected the bouncers to the club, took one look at her assets and nodded for her to go in. Their smiles were a bit too much for Sirius. It offended him the way the bouncers leered at her like they wanted to pinch her behind. Sirius quickly caught up with Hermione and looped his arm around her's before they got any ideas.

The situation did not improve much once they were inside the club and made their way to the dancefloor. Though the lights were flashing and the music was so loud that it was impossible to hear anything, it did not take long for a sizable portion of red blooded males in the club to take notice of the glamoured Hermione and flock towards her.

Sirius had to fend off a number of lecherous creeps that tried to butt in their dance. To avoid starting a fight, Sirius had to subtly manoveur them away or obliviate them but then more of the same obliviated creeps would reappear and try to dance with Hermione all over again.

"Do you mind terribly?!" Sirius shouted impatiently at another of the young hooligans trying to dance with Hermione when she clearly didn't want to.

Finally even Hermione got tired of playing the bombshell and they agreed to finish the night with a few drinks in the upstairs VIP pub. Sirius could finally hear himself speak as they stepped into the surprisingly luxurious and tranquil lounge A medley of jazz music played softly in the background and the whole place was diffusely lit with blue neon lights.

While Sirius ordered the drinks, Hermione found a booth near the back and transformed back into herself. Sirius was relieved to find Hermione in her plain shirt and jeans, not the bombshell in the leather dress, sitting at the booth. He smiled as he sat down.

"I can't believe it's only 11."

"I can't believe it's not tommorow," Hermione stretched out her arms, "Today feels like a lifetime ago."

Sirius couldn't help snickering. "When you put it that way, I agree with you. You've done a lot of living since then. A bit too much maybe."

"In my defense, I had to. In the space of 24 hours Ron called me boring and you called me off for being a prude."

"You're taking things out of context, the situation in which I made my comment was completely different from Ron's!"

Hermione raised a doubtful eyebrow.

"I never meant it as an insult," he explained, "I mean tonight was fun but I hope you don't make a habit of it."

Hermione laughed like he had just said the funniest thing in the world.

"Don't laugh. It's not exactly appropiate for a 16 year old girl to spend her nights looking like that in a pub."

"You're one to talk Sirius! Aren't you the one always in pubs?!"

"Now you're being judgmental-"

They were interrupted by the arrival of their drinks, a bloody mary and a chocolate mousse milkshake. Hermione had not the time to change back into her glamour and the barman did a doubletake. A look of shock came into the barman's face as he noticed how young she looked compared to her companion.

"Excuse me, can I see some ID," the barman said in an angry authoritative voice before Sirius imperiused and obliviated the barman back to his station.

"Damn muggles and their ID," Sirius said taking a sip of his bloody mary.

"That was unnecessary," Hermione said without conviction because she also looked more interested in her drink than the barman's well being.

"He was going to give us trouble."

"I meant your comment about muggles."

Sirius frowned. "Hermione, muggles ARE completely bonkers when it comes to ID.. I've never seen anything like it...It's like one giant prison system, I don't know how they put up with it."

It aggravated him that he still sometimes mentally refferred to himself as his cell number. His number in Azkaban, which had been tattoed onto his arm. What kind of human being wanted to be reduced to a number or have to worry he'd be thrown in prison if he didn't carry his barcoded I.D. with him always? ID checks almost cost him his life when he'd been a fugitive without a wand. The number of times muggle policemen and authorities had tried to arrest either himself or Snuffles for not having I.D. or a collar...was enough to make him hate muggle police with a vehemence that could put any muggle punk to shame. What was their problem anyways trying to lock up stray dogs and vagabonds? Dear Merlin, he hated to sound anything like his mother, but muggles, or at least their system, were completely insane...

Hermione played with the chocolate mousse in her drink but she sensed his troubled tone.

"You probably think I'm beginning to live up to my name but I don't have anything against muggles, just some of their rules. "

"There are a lot of wizard laws that don't make sense either...Such as imprisonment without a trial or any examination of evidence."

Ouch, that was not a nice thing to say.

"Hard blow, but fair enough."

But Hermione continued, "If you had had a muggle lawyer and been tried in a muggle court, I have no doubts you would walked away as a free man or else be let off by pleading insanity. Quite a reasonable system isn't it?"

"Okay, okay, so I may have misjudged the muggle system a bit but I repeat, I don't have anything against muggles. To answer your earlier question, when I was on the run, muggle pubs were some of the only places I could go safely for some human contact."

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"No! Not _that_ kind of contact," he said quickly. Though it was only half the truth because there had been some rough and tumble. "I meant some of the best people I met were strangers in pubs, muggles. They helped me out when I was fugitive and didn't have a wand. They didn't know who I was and I didn't know who they were but I won't forget their kindness..that's the thing about pubs, you meet people you would have never otherwise met, tell them everything, your whole life's story, even if you never see them again or cant remember anything the next day. For one night they're your best mate...It meant to a lot to me after the isolation of Azkaban."

"I'm sorry I immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion."

Hermione gave him an apologetic smile and Sirius smiled back guiltily. Truth be told, he had also had more than a few one-night-stands in pubs that he was not proud of. Being a fugitive had only added to his list of excuses for having no strings attached. But he didn't feel like bringing that up just now. Or hopefully, ever.

"I guess there's a lot I don't understand about how it was like for you being a fugitive. I'm glad you found some comfort in muggle company."

"Me too...I might not be here right now."

The look of utter sympathy in Hermione's eyes was a bit too much to take. He didn't feel he deserved her sympathy right now. So he changed the conversation and soon the were talking about her again. Much better. Hermione's life so far was short and very tidy, nothing confusing or tragic to dwell upon. They talked about Hogwarts, her professors, and briefly about her career aspirations. But Sirius could only take so much of her "top 20 things to accomplish before 20" talk before he was mildly irritated. Although he admired her intelligence, he didn't appreciate the almost narcissistic undertone to some of her grand ambitions. It was good to be ambitious but Hermione sounded almost like she wanted to take over the world. She spoke so confidently of working her way up to the top of the ministry that it scared him a little. Or maybe it was the vodka that turned her into a young Margaret Thatcher. So he steered her towards more juvenile territory and finally to the topic of her lovelife. As expected, her confidence and worldly sophistication immediately plummeted and a sixteen year old girl sat before him again.

"So you and Ron, you can't tell me there's nothing going on there."

"I -I don't know what you're saying."

"Come on! You argue like an old married couple all the time."

Sirius was mildly disturbed to think that if she and Ron actually got married, they would jump straight into middle age because they were already long past the honeymoon stage. All that they could look forward to life of arguing each other to death. Really they were not a good match. He'd need to talk sense to her if he could.

"Ron and I have mild differences in opinion, that is why we argue. There's nothing more to be said about that."

"Except you cried a river today when he told you you were boring."

"I just felt like crying," Hermione said sloppily, playing with the straw in her drink.

"Sure."

"I did. I get emotional sometimes..."

Sirius stared dumbfoundedly at her. How could a girl so intelligent in most things be so incredibly naive when it came to other things?

"Fine." He let the topic drop, he didn't much care for talking about Ron anyways.

But after awhile he had to ask the question that was personally bothering him.

"So why did you feel the need to glamour yourself like you did tonight?" He sounded almost grumpy because he had been truly shocked by her behaviour.

Hermione had the decency to blush. "I don't know what I was thinking Sirius...but you saw how men react when you look like this." She snapped her fingers and she became the bombshell glamour in the tight leather dress again.

"Hermione quit that! It's distracting."

"Exactly, it's distracting," she said as she switched back to herself in her plain jeans and t-shirt, "Even with you, and you're not a teenage boy."

"I'm a gentleman Hermione but that thing is practically poking my eyes out...It's not like I'm trying to be a dog!"

Hermione rolled her eyes at his pun. "Which is why girls feel totally ignored if they don't wear short skirts with everything hanging out...if they're a boring prude like you said." Hermione looked like she wanted to cry again. Oh bother.

Sirius grabbed her by the shoulders. "Hermione quit it," he looked at her face and saw that her pupils were dilated and her cheeks were drunken red. He swiped the drink out of her hand. He sniffed it.

"I thought this was a chocolate milkshake! How much alcohol is in this thing?!"

"It's a chocolate mojito," Hermione grinned drunkenly.

"Right you've had enough." He set the glass aside, out of her reach. "You're much too young to care what men, let alone boys, are thinking about you. Or staying out this late. Merlin's sake you're only 16." What the hell was he thinking taking her here?

"I'll be 17 in a month!"

"You're still too young."

"For what?" she stared at him blearily.

He didn't like the dangerous look in her eyes.

"Quit talking nonsense." He grabbed her hand and pulled her roughly up from the seat. "We better get back. Remus is going to have a hissy fit when he finds out I broke the curfew..."

"I thought Tonks was on guard duty tonight," Hermione whinged as Sirius pulled her through the crowd towards the exit and she tried not to stumble on her drunken feet.

"No she had guard duty last night," Sirius stopped walking for a moment, "Wait! That means Snape is on duty tonight." He hurried quicker with Hermione pulled behind him.

Oh bollocks. He would've rather returned to Remus on a full-moon than an uppity holier than thou Snape.

.

.

A/N: Uhmmm this chapter was different before then i added the longer version than switched it back to the shorter version because it flows better with the next chapter...but at some point i'm going to have to blend the two versions of this chapter together. sorry about that.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/n: they're still feeling the effects of alcohol in this chapter.**

* * *

 **Chapter 14: Up and Down**

They ran back the way to Grimmauld Place, after taking the tube with Sirius as a dog and Hermione stumbling after him. Sirius was panting with his tongue hanging out. Sirius wasn't exactly sure why they were running. Since it was already well past 1am and they'd be getting a telling off from Snape either way, whether they arrived a few minutes earlier or later.

"Hold on Sirius I'm out of breathe!" Hermione suddenly cried as she stooped over, looking rather sick.

Sirius, or rather Padfoot, who had boundless amounts of energy came galloping back to her and attempted to lick her face. But Hermione was having none of that and pushed the black dog away.

"Stop it, Sirius. I don't feel well," Hermione said as she held her pounding head in her hands. She felt like her head was going to explode and her stomach churned as if she'd just swallowed a really disgusting potion.

Suddenly she dry heaved.

The black dog tilted his head wondering for a moment if she found him that repulsive he gave her nausea. Surely his dog breathe wasn't that bad?

But then Hermione bent over and threw up right on his tail.

Ugh!

Sirius immediately transformed back into his human form. They were already in the park near Grimmauld Place, so they were close enough to the house.

"Oh fuck." Sirius felt horrible.

He crouched down to help Hermione up but she violently batted away his arms as she turned to the grass and threw up again, spilling the contents of her stomach into a chocolate-coloured puddle.

"Sirius turn around, I don't want you to see me like this!" Hermione managed to whimper in between throwing up.

"You always say that Hermione! Honestly I don't know why you care," Sirius wrangled a hand guiltily through his hair. Hermione was always pushing him away whenever she was crying or in need; and he felt horrible about it. Because this whole night out had been his idea. And look how it ended.

"I've been much worse myself," he said stoically, trying to be a gentleman. "Much much worse. Hermione, you shouldn't be embarrassed in the slightest!" A little vomit wasn't going to affect him.

Hermione however wasn't helped by his stoicism as she dry heaved a few more times, not at all feeling lady-like despite Sirius' assurances otherwise, before vomiting again.

Sirius ignored her request to stay away and helped her pull back her hair so that she didn't get vomit in it.

"You should learn to pace yourself," Sirius couldn't help adding.

"Sirius just shut up!" Hermione yelled, making him jump a little.

"Sorry."

Sirius whistled to himself as he sat down in the grass beside her.

"And stop whistling."

"S-orry." What is wrong with whistling? he wondered slightly affronted.

His grey eyes shifted to look around the park, which was empty except for them and some homeless man sleeping on park bench a few bushes away. A few minutes passed in silence. Except for the sound of retching.

"I think I'm done," Hermione finally said feeling thoroughly humiliated that she'd just vomited, several times in a row, in front of Sirius. For some reason, that was _not_ the image she wanted him to remember this night by. She quickly wiped her mouth.

Sirius clapped her on the shoulder, "You're fine Hermione. Swell."

"Right. 'Swell'," Hermione replied sarcastically. She never felt more repulsive in her life. She certainly didn't feel or look 'swell'. Although, she thought, Sirius did look 'swell.' She enviously eyed how fresh and carelessly elegant Sirius looked despite spending a whole crazy night out with her. Didn't the man ever break into a sweat or look horrible?

Sirius attempted to converse with her as they strolled back the last block towards the house but Hermione was in a foul mood and replied moodily to his questions in clipped tones.

Was she mad at him? Sirius thought. Well goodness knows he deserved it. Though on the otherhand it had never been his idea to go into the pub or to have drinks. That was all Hermione's doing. Though now that he thought about that, she'd only been compelled to rebel (against her normal conservative bookwormish image) because of Ron's rudeness. And maybe his own.

"You know I'm very sorry," he said as the went up the steps to the front door, "if anything I said yesterday might have offended you. I didn't mean it, Hermione, you're perfect the way you are. And Ron is an idiot if he thinks you're boring."

If she wasn't covered in her own vomit with her hair matted and mangy looking Hermione might've blushed at being called 'perfect' by Sirius. However, since she was covered in her own vomit and sure she looked horrible, she merely nodded her head and wondered if Sirius was being sarcastic.

"Right," she said, "Thanks Sirius."

He smiled at her and she tried to avoid eye contact with him as they opened the door and stepped into the house.

~/~

"Well look what the dog dragged in," Snape's voice drawled silkily, from where he sat perched on *his* armchair across from the door.

Though he had been expecting it, Sirius still winced as he heard Snape's voice greet them. That was certainly not the voice he liked to hear before going to bed at night. Sirius stood up straighter, squaring his shoulders as he stared hatefully at the man who hated him as much as he did.

"Black."

"Snivellus."

Suddenly Hermione interrupted their little staring match and he felt her punch him in the arm, "Behave yourself Sirius, his name is Severus Snape, not Snivellus," she turned to the keenly observing potions master, "Sorry Professor Snape."

"Miss Granger," Snape nodded his head before raising his brows skeptically at her, no doubt sensing that she reeked of vomit and looked like she'd been dragged through mud, "Perhaps you would have an explanation of where this man," he pointed distastefully at Sirius, "and you have been all night!"

"We were um...out..." suddenly her quick thinking skills abandoned her.

"..for a stroll!" Sirius said loudly.

Hermione shot him an angry look. Because that excuse made no sense. Sirius arched his eyebrows back at her before turning back to Snape.

"She took me out for a walk!" Sirius insisted, "D'you mind or are my dogwalks to be curfewed now even too? Wouldn't surprise me with the way things are going lately, though really I could do without your snide company as I enjoy my few moments of freedom!"

Snape's abnormally large nose raised itself higher in the air as he stared positively thunderously down at both him and Hermione, observing the obvious disparity between the truth and their tale. Suddenly he chuckled.

"You've never been good at lieing, have you Black? Otherwise you might've saved yourself the bother of going to Azkaban 12 years," he smiled grimly and Sirius felt his blood boil, "Of course I'm sure you could have come up with an excuse if you had a half a wit!"

"Oh shut the fuck up Snape!" Hermione said.

Sirius burst out laughing while Hermione clamped her hands over her mouth in shock. She'd just told a Hogwarts professor, scratch that the meanest most relentless Hogwarts professor, to shut the fuck up.

Severus Snape looked like his face had been petrified by a basilisk and his eyebrows were high on his forehead for a moment before they came crashing down into a frown.

"W-what," Snape drawled slowly, "did you say?"

"She told you to shove it where the sun don't shine!" Sirius laughed more loudly than ever.

Hermione felt her face redden. She really hadn't meant to say that aloud though Snape had gone too far when he belittled Sirius' time in Azkaban, no one should make a joke on that! Though Sirius wasn't helping the situation by laughing so loudly.

"Uhm I'm..." she mumbled, wondering, if an apology would even have any affect on Snape hating her for the rest of her life. Not that he already didn't sort of hate her for being Harry's best friend and the 'insufferable' Gryffindor know it all.

Snape made a face like you see on a cat that's been given a bath. A grumpy cat face. Very dour. If Snape were a cat, his claws would be out and his tail high in the air.

"I see," he drawled not so smoothly and tried to ignore Sirius laughter, "that there is no point in talking sense to either of you when you are clearly both inebriated!" he sneered at her messy bedraggled hair before turning his scorn to Sirius, "But rest assured, Dumbledore will hear of this!"

"And yes we're terrified of him!" Sirius spat, "Go ahead Snape, god knows you were always a little brown arsing tattle tale." Sirius laughed again and Hermione felt like kicking him because while she not fond of Snape, Sirius didn't have to go provoking him. Sirius already had enough enemies. But you couldn't really stop Sirius from making things worse ten times worse for himself by not shutting up.

"Sirius?" Harry's voice was suddenly heard.

"Oi what's going on?" Ron said groggily.

As Harry and Ron came down the stairs to see what was going on, Snape's lips shrunk into an ugly pout before he swept his black cape behind him and stormed out of Grimmauld Place like a hissy prima donna. The only person Snape hated more than Sirius and James Potter was Harry Potter, because he looked like James. So he didn't want to stick around any longer if Harry was going to be there.

Snape turned his head over his shoulder and shot Sirius one last withering look, "I'll be reporting to Dumbledore on all this Black, count it, there will be consequences. Goodnight."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yeah goodnight Snape, too, don't let the vampires bite, unless it's a lovebite." He had a feeling that Snape and Vladimir were lovers.

Snape's dark eyes flared but he turned on his heel and slammed the door shut with a loud bang.

"He's dramatic isn't he?" Harry said.

Sirius grinned. "Dramatic doesn't even begin to cover it! He's always been a whiny git!"

Hermione punched him in the arm. "Do you know many house points this is going to cost us?!" Hermione moaned and buried her face in her hands. "Snape already hates us, now he's going to make my life a living hell when I go back to Hogwarts!"

"Relax Hogwarts is still two months away!" Sirius said.

"That's nothing!" Hermione shouted at him, "Snape is already going to be planning my academic doom! He could sabotage my whole future career options!"

Harry couldn't help but comment smugly, "Well, now you'll know what it's like being me Hermione. Snape's always hated me and only because I look like my father!"

Ron, who clearly just woke up, rubbed at his eyes, "Sorry why is Snape angry?"

Sirius snickered, "Hermione told him off," he paused to wipe a tear from his eye, "I don't think I've ever been prouder." For the second time that night, Sirius clapped Hermione on the shoulder but she made another angry hissy sound and stormed out of the room.

"She'll come 'round!" Sirius said to Ron and Harry's incredulous looks.

"Uhm Sirius you have vomit on your coat you know that right?"

"Yes, Harry. Thanks," he grumbled. So maybe this evening didn't end so well after all if Hermione was mad at him.

Damn it. Why did everything turn out this way?

.

.

.

A/N: thanks for reading and special super thanks to Jily, Confidential author, peaceful blood and autumn900 for their reviews! It means a lot when people say they enjoy the story, otherwise i wonder if people actually are reading it! also happy halloween!


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you to Autumn900, Moonlightkiss1515, guest, Samira Vangola and a taleoftwistedsuspense for reviewing, though it doesn't seem like it, I really appreciated knowing what you thought :)**

* * *

 **Chapter 15: Taking Risks**

The whole point of this evening was to make Hermione feel happy and now she was upset again. Well dammit, if he was going to let things end this way. He didn't care anymore that it was well past 2AM in the morning, he had to speak to Hermione again.

He knocked at her door, impatiently drumming his fingers against the heel of his palm until he heard her voice.

"Come in."

She was siting on her bed and had obviously been crying.

Sirius stood awkwardly in the doorway for a moment before moving to sit beside her.

"I'm sorry Hermione."

He didn't actually know what he was apologizing for, but he learned a long time ago that it was best to just say sorry as many times as possible to women, especially when they were crying or upset. But Hermione seemed to know instantly why he was apologizing for as she nodded her head.

"I just wish you'd stop provoking Snape," she sniffed.

"Well it's kind of hard not to. You saw what he's like..." he hesitated to smirk, "even you couldn't keep your mouth shut."

"Please don't remind me. He's going to make my life hell when I go back..."

"Hey, you don't have to worry about Snape, if he tries to give you any trouble-"

Hermione shook her head and he was taken aback as her brown eyes came up to meet his. They sparkled with the startling clarity of sobriety in them. and concern.

"Actually I'm worried about you. You almost died in the Department of Mysteries."

"But I didn't."

"You came close enough..." her voice trailed off and she turned away from him and Sirius saw a single tear fall down from her eye. "I can't stand the thought of anything happening to you."

"Oh god."

Sirius never felt more guilty. Perhaps he'd never realized how much he hurtothers by putting himself at risk, he'd never stopped to think that people might be concerned for him.

He grabbed her hand.

"Hermione stop worrying about me."

She smiled sadly. "Well if I don't who will?"

"That's a good point." he tried to make her laugh, "Though there is Remus. And Molly in her way is fond of me..."

"She hates you Sirius. And Remus has got enough problems of his own to watch after you."

"You say that if I'm some overgrown child that needs to be watched. Do you really think of me that way?" He felt mildly insulted.

Hermione shook her head unphased. "Tonight shouldn't have happened, we were taking too many risks. I don't know what I was thinking! You already have the Ministry and Voldemort after you," she pulled at her hair, "I'm beginning to wonder if we should even go about this Selena Ryder visit."

"Don't say that Hermione. You know how important this is to me. We can't just not go," he warned.

"Yes, well I'm beginning to doubt the wisdom of it when you keep making everything more difficult and dangerous by drawing trouble to yourself!"

Sirius suddenly felt angry and rose up, letting go of her hand. For some reason he felt mildy betrayed by her words. He thought they'd had a good time tonight and now, it was like, she was taking everything back. Like she was taking back her one moment of spontaneity. And just because he'd fought with that slimy git.

"I know I'm a fugitive, Hermione, but please don't act like you'd rather see me locked up here."

"I want to see you alive Sirius!"

"You can't live life without risks!" he said, a bit too loudly.

"Yes except there's a difference between risks and just being plain stupid!"

"HERMIONE I'M NOT SOME CAGED ANIMAL, NOT NOW OR EVER!"

He thought he was about to win this argument. But Hermione also stood up and now there were more tears threatening to come out of her eyes.

"If anything happens to you Sirius, you don't know _how_ much it would hurt me." Her voice was shaking and dammit now actual tears were pouring out of her again.

Oh god, women and their crying! Sirius covered his face in his hands. It was an unfair weapon, like kryptonite. He just wanted it to stop.

Without really thinking what he was doing, he got down on his knees and prepared to grovel. "I promise I'll behave. We can't not go Hermione." his grey eyes were completely serious. "It's too important." He had to find out what happened to Regulus. And meet his nephew.

"You promise?" Hermione wiped her eyes and shook her head, "I'd believe you more if you took an unbreakable vow."

Sirius laughed. "An unbreakable vow to behave myself?" he grinned "Now you're just trying to kill me."

She punched his arm again. "I mean it. I refuse to go anywhere with you again unless you behave yourself and make sure you take every precaution to be on the safe side and _not_ provoke people." She crossed her arms.

"Deal."

He smirked and shook her hand.

* * *

 **The next day...**

Sirius as a poodle.

Was it really necessary to glamour him as a poodle? With a pink leash around his neck?

He couldn't stand Harry and Ron's laughing.

He transformed out of his animagus and back into a man with a pink collar around his neck.

"Is this really necessary?" he growled.

Hermione contained her smirk.

"Sirius you promised to behave yourself. Now switch back so I can glamour you again..." she paused to laugh, "Or do I have to send you in for more dog training?"

"Bark," Sirius said dryly, but he complied and turned back into Padfoot.

The shaggy black dog whined as Hermione waved her wand and he became a thin, waif-like poodle with grey fur and a parisian haircut.

"Perfect."

Hermione grinned. "Now no one will ever guess you're actually Sirius Black."

No because they'll think I'm a bloody poofter! Sirius thought dryly.

.

.

.

* * *

 **Feel free to leave reviews/thoughts/criticisms, I read each review and take them very seriously! ThANKS!**

 **Oh and I might change this story to M. But that will be for a much later chapter.**

 **Have a happy new year!**

 **-Bianca**


End file.
